


A Fire that Feels...

by Outerworldly



Category: Mystic Messenger, Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Mutual pinning???, One Sided Love, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, alcohol use, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-06-16
Packaged: 2018-09-30 14:17:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 43,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10164770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outerworldly/pseuds/Outerworldly
Summary: You became his best-friend and supported and helped him get the girl of his dreams, but since when did you begin to feel this terrible burning pain at the sight of him in an others arms?





	1. The Fueling of a Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Part 1 of more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You didn't realize when the fire began but by the time you had it was too late...

 

 

_A wildfire becomes friends with a shooting star, that wildfire has only one wish..._

 

Whenever you imagined your first time drinking you had always imagined it’d be due to a celebration; passing the semester, acing a test, getting a job, etc. whatever the reason was the result was always caused due to a celebration of you accomplishing something you considered important.

 

It wasn’t as if you had actively abstained from alcohol but whenever occasion called for a celebratory drink you always found yourself looking back at the moment and not really finding anything in particular special about it enough to actually purchase the celebratory reward. Even after hosting your first RFA party you hadn’t considered the fact that you had hosted the party successfully for your first time a stellar achievement rather the logical result to your hard work along with that of all the others help and guidance.

 

Perhaps, it wasn’t that you didn’t consider your accomplishments special feets but instead that you didn’t truly crave the ‘reward’ as much as you had initially believed, now looking back at your own mentality you’d never really seen the point to consuming alcohol in the first place.  

 

Whatever your reasons had been from abstaining from alcohol and whatever thoughts you had held in regards to the topic that was clearly not the case tonight…

 

If the problem before had been that you had never really craved alcohol then that would no longer be what stood between you and the drinks you had yet to gorge down. The alcohol tasted bitter and sour against your palate, you would have spit it out if it wasn’t for your brain commanding you to find a way to forget what you had been through thus far but nonetheless you were truly craving the bitter and sourness of the depressants you were pouring down your throat and forcing yourself to hold down. Maybe if you drowned yourself in enough bitterness you wouldn’t feel the one welling up inside your soul.

 

In front of you and scattered around the table rested the empty glasses of assorted alcoholic beverages you’d consumed so far, they weren’t that many but definitely enough to worry you about whether or not you’d be able to pay off your tab. Your first few sips of alcohol had turn to long gulps to chugs until the chugs became a glass, two glasses, three glasses and so on and so forth. It seemed as if you were trying to play a game of ‘ _Let me see how many varieties of alcohol I can drink before I’m so shitfaced drunk I don’t remember my own name_ ’ after your last shot you looked up for the first time since you had arrived to the karaoke-bar only to be met with the worried looks of your friends gathered around the table. You started to regret everything you had done up to now, this wasn’t like you at all… but you really couldn’t bring it in you to think straight, since when had you become this weak?

 

_‘When had this day taken a horrible turn downhill and into the Shitsville central?’_

 

You pondered as you fiddled your finger around the top of the shot glass, it would have taken you very little hesitation to grab the alcohol bottle and pour yourself another drink but feeling the warm hand of one of your friend’s hands on your shoulder you stopped yourself for their sake and your own.

 

“What’s wrong?” They asked.

 

“What makes you think there’s something wrong?” You sighed not looking at them.

 

“The fact you’ve clung onto that bottle tighter than a starved nursing baby.” Another one of your friends replied plainly as they took a sip from their drink keeping their eyes trained on you.

 

“I… I just happen to really like this drink...“ You weakly countered.

 

“Then what’s with that dumb kicked puppy look you got there?” He retorted.

 

Taking a deep breath you began to recall all the events that had led up to this, events that you’d rather much forget…

 

“It’s nothing.” You insisted. “I...just thought we could all use a drink.”  

 

“You maybe drunk stupid but we’re not, something’s obviously wrong so you better tell us what’s wrong because you wouldn’t have called us here if there wasn’t anything wrong.”  He deadpanned.

 

“Fine… Maybe there is something wrong… with me...”

 

____________

 

When You began hanging out with Yoosung you’d only seen him as a friend, out of all the other RFA members Yoosung had been the easiest to get along with. Of course, with all the others always having work to preoccupy them it limited their free time. Meeting Yoosung another college student with more free time than he knew what to do with, it was only natural that the two of you came closer forming the closest friendship out of all the other RFA members.

 

Yoosung was a particularly easy guy to get to know, he was basically an open book open to whoever was willing to read him. Ask him a question and you would get an honest response, he wasn't just an open book but he was very transparent as well. That’s why even if he tried to lie, which was always a little white lie involving a small situation that he’d blow out of proportion, you were able to tell he was lying. The same could be said for him he came to know you just like the palm of his hand; your likes, dislikes, your mannerisms, about everything except for one thing.

 

Knowing each other so well meant that you guys told each other everything, that’s how you came to know about his crush on one of the girls in his biology class. Apparently she’d been in his graduating class as well, he’d liked her since middle school but never had the courage to ask her out and after what happened with Rika he had lost motivation for many things, that including his intrest in her. Up to some time ago he’d forgotten about his feelings for that girl. Now he seemed to have discovered a newfound vigor for life and now that he was in college he feared that once the semester ended he would never get the chance to ask her out… that’s where you came in. You’d been a good best-friend determined to help him get the girl of his dreams, always giving him advice and pushing him to more and more until he was able to land a date with her.

 

In the beginning he’d asked you to tag along to their ‘study sessions’ for encouragement and moral support, you were more than happy to do so. You’d smile at him encouragingly whenever he tried to make an advancement in the form of a shy compliment and smile proudly at him whenever it was a success, at heart you were truly happy for him. Honestly nothing could bring you more joy than to see your best friend so happy but eventually the study dates turned into to a few outings and somewhere along the line when shy and awkward glances and ‘accidental’ touches began to become more confident, more frequent and more intentional... and you began to feel something inside your heart aching, something burning through your veins.

 

It wasn’t long before they started ‘seeing each other’ even in if they hadn’t put a proper title on their relationship they seemed like an official couple and that cursed burning feeling began to become more and more frequent within your chest, through your veins and at the pit of your stomach. You didn’t like it and you didn’t know why you felt it whenever Yoosung ended up canceling on you to hang out with her.Min. Why did you feel that burning feeling? **You** had helped him get that far with the other girl. What were these complicated feelings?

 

After a while, you became aware of why and what that feeling was. Jealousy.

 

It was natural though, right?  He was your best-friend, so it was only natural that you’d be a little jealous of the person who was now occupying a large portion of the time your best-friend use to spend with you, right? Because deep inside you were honestly and truly happy for him.

 

Or so you told yourself.  

 

Since you’d become best friends you and Yoosung had made a habit of hanging out Friday night’s at eithers home to rage the afternoon away playing LOLOL, which you’d become addicted to almost overnight shortly after Yoosung had introduced you to it and showed you the basics. After an evening full of LOLOL you guys would take a break to watch a movie or a few hours of whatever series you were currently obsessed with over take-out to unwind with but this Friday evening hadn’t gone through like all the rest. It appeared to be one that even drinks would not let you erase from your mind no matter how hard you tried... and it wasn’t for the best.

 

_What was different from the Friday to all the rest?_

 

That afternoon Yoosung had called you to tell you that he wouldn’t be at his place til much later since he wanted to study for his biology exam with Min at the campus library, he wouldn’t be home till six so you wouldn’t be making your way to his place until six thirty.

 

If it had been anyone else you would’ve just cancelled at that point it would have been too late to do anything by the time you got there, but you’d already spent the night at Yoosung’s before and vice versa so naturally both of you would be able to rage all night playing LOLOL until daybreak and by then you’d be able to get your stuff have breakfast and then go home for a rest.

 

When you left your house it had began getting dark outside, the walk to his house seemed shorter than usual and by the time you’d gotten to the apartment complex it had already become dark out.

 

_And I just hope you know that you're the only one I yearn for_

_no wonder I’ll be missing when I learn_

_see your face at every turn_

_I’m trying to get my usher on but I can’t let it burn_

_Didn't give you all my love_

_I guess now I got my payback_

_Now I'm in the club thinking all about you baby_

_Hey_

 

Quietly you hummed along to the song playing through your earbuds as you walked up the stair wells. A soft sound coming from around the corner caught your attention and slowly you removed an earbud, the sound was a distinctly an obvious one but you didn’t understand what it was doing in your current surroundings. With caution as to not be seen you peeked out barely from around the corner and the moment you did you found yourself wishing you hadn’t.

 

_You were so easy to love_

_But wait, I guess our love wasn't enough_

_I'm going through it every time that I'm alone_

_And now I'm wishing that you'd pick up the phone_

_But you made a decision that you wanted to move on_

_Cause I was wrong_

 

And as if to add insult to injury the song continued to play in your remaining earbud. The burning feeling, it was coming back and you felt as if it’d engulf you by complete until you’d combust down until nothing but ashes remained. Even with the burning feeling engulfing every inch of your being you couldn’t bring it in yourself to look away from the sight before you… His lips on hers, as they kissed over and over lips interlocking and wandering hands moving themselves closer to one another, they seemed to be in their very own little world while yours came burning down violently…

 

It took you everything you had to finally peel your eyes off of them and walk away. Your mind went blank as a sheet and your body felt as if it had become a walking wildfire, all you could do was be happy for him… right? Like the good best-friend you were, like the good best-friend you would always be for him. With a smile on your face and your head held high you walked home in silence and as you did that burning feeling only grew with every step you took, you had to contain it so that that fire didn’t bring any harm to him, to your friendship with him… You would contain it within yourself even if that meant it’d burn you down until you completely extinguished because he deserved to be happy after all he’d been through... and you? You, you’d never deserve to hold such a bright and beautiful star like him.  

 


	2. Caught In The Midst of Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who are those who are often burned by the flames of a fire they did not cause? 
> 
> Usually the ones trying to soothe it's flames.

 

_While trying to cease a flame one may only aggravate the fire even more..._

 

 

 

“Up and At’em! Sunshine!” The cheery voice boomed through the walls of your room, it was loud enough to make you want to shove needles through your brain just to stop the dizziness the echo of the voice resonated within it.

 

Slowly you peeked up at the figure whose voice belonged to,  it was useless however since the sun’s light blinded you blurring your vision and allowing you to only see the outline of a feminine silhouette.

 

“What the hell?... Shut up and close my curtains.” You replied grumpily turning your back to the figure, which was your friend’s.   

 

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!” Her voice cooed at you teasingly. You felt some weight shift at the foot of your bed as she took a seat beside your feet.

 

“No, shit I’m grumpy… my head is killing me!” You cried smacking both your hands over your face and gently rubbing the side of your temples. “What the hell happened to me? God my mouth… feels so dry.” You sat up with maximum effort.

 

“First drink this…” Your friend ushered you a mug. “I thought this would happen so I made you breakfast and prepared an aspirin for you.” Her voice was gentle as she rubbed your back gently while you drank down the contents of the mug. Despite however irritated you might have seemed you were truly grateful for your friend right now.“Look at my baby all grown up and having her first hangover!”

 

“Cut it out, you dork!” You responded irritatedly swatting her hand away from your cheek as she tried pinching it playfully. “Seriously what happened? My head’s literally going to kill me.”

 

“What happened before you jumped on the karaoke stage dead-ass drunk and sang your heart out to _Objection_ or after?” She asked with an amused look on her face, she gently took the empty mug from your hands and placed it back down on the coffee table.

 

“I did what?” You asked eyes now wide open as you looked up at her.

 

“Seong and I both tried to stop you, everyone else got just as drunk as you and took turns with you on stage sharing the mic.”

 

“You’re joking…” You said, mainly to yourself as if saying it would turn it into a reality.

 

“I got a video, do you want to see it?” She asked pulling out her phone and hitting the play button on the phone. The music played but you refused to look at the content on the phone.

 

“Good god, just put it away.” You cringed pushing away from you the hand in which she held up the phone. “And delete it too, please.”

 

“On the bright side you got a standing ovation from the cute boys sitting next to the stage and you even went back for an encore... but you really don’t remember anything?” She asked. 

 

“Uh… I just remember calling all of you guys over to _The Cove_ and that’s it.” You answered racking your brain for more answers.  

 

“Do you remember why?” She asked.

 

“Uhm… Uh… I…. Uh…” And that’s when the lightbulb turned on and the damned image flashed back into your memory, followed by the first few drinks you’d had. “Shit!” You exclaimed nearly jumping up and out of your bed. “Shit! Shit! Where’s my phone!? Where’s my phone!? I didn’t do anything stupid did I?” You frantically looked around your sleeping area for your phone. The last thing you wanted was to find out that in your drunken state you’d send Yoosung texts or calls that you would regret. “Please God, please dear God, oh please god.”

 

“Relax.” She called out from behind you. “I took your phone away before you were even able to hit call so your fine.” She reassured trying to sit you back down. “...but you did wrestle me for it.” She informed pulling up her sleeve to reveal a slight bite mark on her forearm.

 

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry. I swear I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to.” _Just how drunk had you been?_

 

“I’m fine, I’ve had a lot worse but you might owe Seong an apology though.”

 

“Why?” You asked worriedly.

 

“You bit him too when he tried getting you off me.” She added with a small laugh.

 

“I’m such an idiot.” You groaned into your hands burying your face within them.

 

“Y/N. I know it’s none of my business but can I ask you a question?” She asked her voice suddenly growing serious but worried.

 

“What is it?” You asked looking down at her.

 

“Do you have feelings for Yoosung?" She asked quietly. You'd talked about him before with her and they'd even crossed words once when he'd gone to pick you up at your campus but that'd been right about it. "You know, like are you in love with him?"

 

“He’s my best-friend!” You exclaimed pushing past her.

 

“That’s not answering the question… even if he is your best-friend that doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love with him. Besides no one gets drunk over finding their best-friend playing tongue-twister with another girl if they don’t harbor feelings for them…” You'd probably spilled more than you wanted to at the bar, and you were regretting it now because you felt like you were up against the wall with no way around her questions. 

 

“It was just a very long day, alright? Yoosung’s just my friend, **my best friend** , okay? It’s ridiculous to think that I could possibly have those type of feelings for him.”

 

“You’re not a little kid, Y/N. You and I both know the truth, if you wanna keeping turning a blind eye towards it then that’s all you but suppressing and rejecting feelings like those isn’t good for you and the more you keep suppressing them the quicker you’ll erupt.”

 

“I don’t know what makes you think-” Your sentence was caught off by the beeping of your cell phone.

 

“Oh, Right! Before I forget here’s your phone.” She picked up your cell phone laying on the coffee table and handed it to you. “It kept vibrating all night.”

 

“Really? It must be the RFA…” You unlocked your phone to be met by a barrage of missed calls and texts from the others. Two missed calls from Jumin, four from Seven and Jaehee, Six from Zen and 14 from Yoosung. A few missed texts from the others; Four from Jumin, two from Jaehee, eight from Zen and over Twenty-four from Seven and Yoosung. “What in the hell happened?” You asked yourself opening Jaehee’s text.

 

 **Jaehee Kang:** Y/N, are you okay? I’ve been calling you but you don’t pick up. The others have tried to reach you as well. Please call me once you see this message.

 

 **Jaehee Kang:** Y/N, I hope you find yourself fine this morning. We’re having an RFA meeting this morning at 11 a.m. I hope you haven’t forgotten.

 

You looked down at your phone it read 11:15 A.M.

 

____________________

 

You arrived at the meeting a whole forty-five minutes late, better late than never you'd thought to yourself. Once you discovered the events that had transpired during your drunken state you immediately felt bad for Jaehee, you’d left her all alone to calm Zen and deal with Jumin on her own. Initially, they had all just thought you were hanging with Yoosung since he too had gone MIA but a few hours but after he logged in to ask whether anyone had seen you everyone else began to panic over your sudden disappearance. Apparently, Seven had been up to his nose in piles of work and was not able to leave his work to track you because Mary Vanderwood was hovering over his shoulder like a ‘vulture’ as he put it, apparently the remaining members began to come up with search ideas for you. Jumin had proposed to send some of his bodyguards out to search for you and when Zen got out from rehearsal he offered to go look for you on his own but Jaehee seemed to do a good job at keeping the calm.

 

Eventually, morning came and you had yet to appear and that’s when panic broke out, everyone decided to meet up at C&R as if for the regular monthly RFA meeting but to discuss the following procedures in respects of a search for you. Apparently, they began to worry that Unknown had returned for you.

 

After apologizing to everyone you tried to brush off their questions about your whereabouts by changing the subject, you want to believe it would have worked if it hadn’t been for Seven’s nose that picked up on the fading scent of alcohol. You tried to play it off by lying about it but it was obvious that no one was buying it. After the painfully slow meeting and hours of avoiding eyecontact with everyone but espically Yoosung the meeting ended. 

 

“Y/N! Y/N!” You were on your way out when Yoosung’s voice stopped you, as he called you from behind. 

 

“Yeah?” You asked in a cheery voice, keeping your back towards him. You’d been keeping your distance from him throughout the whole entire meeting on purpose because whenever you looked at him you couldn’t help but replay the scene that had transpired back at his place.

 

“I have the best news ever, bet you won’t guess what!” You could practically see him jumping up and down in happiness and at that moment the burning sensation returned lightly dancing across your chest but the pain was sharp this time around, it almost felt like your heart was being pierced through with a hot poker.

 

“I think I’d win that bet…” You replied faking cheeriness with your back still towards him, you rested a hand gently on your chest as if trying to soothe the horrible stinging from the burning sensation.

 

“We finally made it official yesterday! Min & I!”

 

_Ouch!_

 

He went one excitedly rambling but the words he said were senseless to your ears, you couldn’t really hear what he was saying while you tried your best to keep your happy best-friend facade up. There went another piece of your heart. Gathering up all the inner strength you could you finally turned to him with a big fake smile on your face.

 

“Congrats, Yoosung! I’m really happy for you, I knew it was just a matter of time! I mean who on earth wouldn’t fall for you and your sweet and gentle charm!” Because _you had not been the exception_ if only he knew that though. You beamed at him cheerily and playfully nudged his side with your elbow, you didn’t know what else to do. You just wanted to do what felt natural but the only thing that felt natural was let the burning consume you right there and then. You could feel the burning sensation run it’s course over your neck and arms making the room feel dry and hot, you rolled up the sleeves on your hoodie trying to get any type of ventilation you could on your wrists to cool the burning.

 

“Thanks! I swear I’ve never been happier.” He smiled going on oblivious to your current state. “Hey, what’s that on your forearm?” He asked, his question catching and shifting your attention from the burning sensation running amuck over your body to your forearm.  

 

You looked down at your forearm as you extend it outwards and something that looked vaguely similar to a sloppy numbers were scribbled along the side of it. You couldn’t remember how that’d gotten there, had that been from last night? It was a phone number but you couldn't out right remember whose. 

 

“Y/N, can I speak to you after you’re done here?” Jumin’s voice cut in as he peeked into the meeting room. “I’ll be waiting for you in my office.”

 

“Uh… sure.” You replied giving him a brief nod as he disappeared behind the door once again.

 

“What do you think Jumin wants?” Yoosung asked curiously looking up at you with those bright orchid colored eyes that only knew how to make your heart ache a burning pain.

 

“Not a clue… maybe to lecture me about today’s tardiness, last night’s commotion and my apparent ‘drinking problem’.” You joked letting out a small chuckle as you picked up your stuff. “Anyway, Jumin’s probably waiting so I should go see what he wants.” You smiled. Truth was you just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible so you could shield yourself from the cruel reality before your eyes.  “Congrats about Min! I truly hope you to are nothing but happy together.” The words that left your mouth might have sounded sweet to any other’s ears but in your mouth, they tasted nothing but poisonous.

 

________________

 

With a gentle scrape of your knuckles against Jumin’s office door you slowly crept it open and peeked inside he looked up at you from his desk where he was taking a phone call and motioned you to come in with a simple nod of the head, stepping inside slowly you walked up a few feet before his desk.

 

You remembered the first time Jumin had asked you to see him in his office like it was just yesterday and how you expected him to be waiting for you sitting behind his desk as he stroke Elizabeth’s fur with one hand and drank from a glass of wine with the other like some sort of cartoony villain, the only thing he would’ve been missing would have been one of those cartoony villain mustache’s. Imagining it now the sight was pretty funny, no wonder Jaehee had burst out laughing when you’d told her after you'd gotten back.

 

It’d been shortly after your first RFA party and you remembered how scared you’d been. It’d felt worse than being sent to the principal's office in grade school but you admitted that it was all before you actually got to know Jumin. You hadn’t become as close to him as you had with Yoosung but both of you shared a love for cats that got you both to speak more and more often until you realized that you were no longer intimidated around Jumin like you once had, neither of you talked on regular basis but when you both had the opportunity to speak to one another the conversations never failed to be entertaining.

 

“Yes, we’ll keep in touch. Yes, of course. Thank you for your time. Goodbye.” He hung up briefly turning his attention back towards you.

 

“You wanted to see me, Jumin?” You asked.

 

“Yes, please sit down.” He asked offering you a seat at one of the chairs in front of his desk with his gaze.

 

“If this is about earlier or last night, I’m really sorry. You have no idea how embarrassed I am about this whole ordeal, I swear it wasn’t my intention to-”

 

“It is about that but you might be getting way too ahead of yourself. I did call you to speak about that subject but with a different intention in mind.” He replied cutting you off. "i'm not going to scold you, you're an adult and you know how to take care of yourself." 

 

“What do you mean?” You could’ve sworn he’d called you into ‘lecture’ about it, but if that wasn’t the case then what else could it be regarding the subject at hand?

 

“I want to be as direct as possible, I see no sense in beating around the bush but I know it’s none of my business… had it been anyone else I would have dismissed this without a second thought but seeing this is related to you, a fellow RFA member and a person I consider a friend I feel compelled to bring it up.” He was thinking deeply as if trying to chose his words carefully, you could tell that he was trying to approach the matter with utmost sensitivity for your sake but while he had just said that he didn’t intend to beat around the bush that was exactly what he was doing.

 

You were about to interject when it seemed that Jumin had finally found the manner in which he wished to approach the matter.

 

“... I know that you might prefer Assistant Kang or Zen when it comes to these type of problems, after all I am quite inexperienced when it comes to providing emotional support but if you ever want to talk about something that’s on your mind just know that I’m always willing to listen.” He offered quietly, looking straight at you with the same blank face he always had. Even with a blank face you could feel the sincerity in his words.

 

“Thank you, Jumin. I really appreciate this but, uh where is this all coming from?”

 

“It’s come to my attention that you’ve been in emotional distress as of late, especially last night which resulted in your current post-hangover state. If I’m correct this all seems to have begun when Yoosung began seeing that girl.”

 

There was no way he could have known, you were a bit taken off guard and had no idea how to respond. You found yourself asking yourself whether you had really been that obvious to begin with. Of course, you'd become somewhat quieter on the chat as of late but it couldn't have been that obvious. 

 

“This has nothing to do with Yoosung. Look, I told you guys already that I just went drinking with a few friends and I happened to lose count of how many drinks I had. Really, there’s nothing more to it than that.” You answered directly turning away from Jumin.  

 

“Even if that were true, it’s quite the coincidence that it happens the same night Yoosung announces his relationship, especially since you’d never before shown not even the slightest of interest in alcohol. Usually when one tends to lose count of how many drinks they’ve had it’s because they tend to want to forget something or avoid thinking about it,” You heard him get out of his chair and walk towards the front of his desk to where you were sitting and took a seat in the one next to yours. “I’m still trying to figure out your reason for doing so.”

 

Well he wasn’t wrong… maybe it’d been a little bit of both. Perhaps you wanted to avoid thinking about their kiss as much as possible until you’d completely forgotten about it. Either way your attempts had failed because here you were now remembering and wishing you could forget it. You could feel the burning sensation in your heart returning twice as bad as it had been earlier when you’d spoken to Yoosung, why was it? Because you were hearing what you so hard tried to reject without realizing? Because it was the truth and reality of the situation.

 

_You were in love with your best-friend._

Not that you would accept that at the moment.  

 

“There is also the fact that you were suppose to meet up with Yoosung like you to usually do at his house but you never arrived and then when he finally logs onto the messenger to ask about your whereabouts he seems to be floating on cloud nine shortly after announcing his new relationship, shall I continue?” Jumin’s voice resumed.

 

“It’s all just coincidence…” Your tried to reply steadily still not looking up at him.

 

“Since the first RFA party I noticed how you seemed to look at him, it’s very different from the way you look at everyone else. I will admit however that by the way he looked at you I expected him to announce a relationship very soon… but with **you**. Anyway last night I concluded that you must have seen something that rather upset you having to do with Yoosung and his change in relationship status.”

 

“Jumin, I don’t know what you’re insinuating but whatever it is it’s wrong. Yoosung is my best-friend and I’m truly happy for him.”

 

“If what you’re telling me is true then why won’t you look me in the eyes?” He wasn’t going to let it die and a part of you felt more than aggravated, everytime you opened your mouth speak and he presented enough evidence to counter and disprove anything you could possibly say to your defense.  

 

After you heard him continue for a bit longer you could almost feel tears beginning to well up in your eyes. You were trying so hard to deal with this in your own way and here came Jumin putting enough evidence on the table to make you feel pathetic but you weren’t going to cry the last thing you wanted was to make this into a bigger problem than it was already for you. Biting down onto your bottom set of teeth as if to hold back the tears you finally turned to him.

 

“Are you trying to make me feel like shit?” You choked out finally looking him in the eyes.

 

When he looked into your eyes he could see anger and pain and it was enough to make him feel bad, but it’d never been his intention to hurt your feelings.

 

“I’m sorry it was never my intention to hurt your feelings.” He offered quietly “I believed that simply getting you to recognize your true feelings would make you feel better. I heard talking out these kind of problems can help one feel better but I suppose I mishandled this situation. My sincerest apologies, Y/N.”

 

“First my friends, now you… I don’t know how else to put it. I do **not** have feelings for Yoosung. He is my best-friend and I am more than happy for him, that’s it. What do I have to do to get all of you to understand?” You almost cried out. 

 

“I’m sure that like me she’s only worried for your emotional well being, Y/N. It’s not good for you to keep such feelings bottled up.” He tried quietly his voice showing a new gentleness you hadn’t heard from him before. “It’s best for you to recognize what you already know so that you-”

 

“I do not have feelings for Yoosung!” Your voice boomed through his office silencing him completely. You might have not noticed how your hands shook at your sides but Jumin could see how much this was affecting you and he was beginning to worry even more. A few tears trickled down your cheeks but you were too angry and fed up to notice them. “And even if I did aren’t you the one who always talks about killing your emotions!? I don’t have feelings for Yoosung he is my best-friend and I am happy for him. I’ll say it however many times you need me in order to convince you.” You quickly turned towards the door storming off without further word. You knew he meant well and that you shouldn't have gotten angry at him but it still didn't take away the pain of the reality he so easily continued to bring up. 

 

After you’d gone he silently pondered to himself whether you were really trying to convince him or whether you were trying to convince yourself.


	3. Close to Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you really hope to let go?

_And on one night that wildfire looked up to the sky and saw that in no longer could see it’s friend in the sky and that behind it’s cloud of smoke the star hid, seeing this the wildfire did the only thing it could and ceased itself until there was nearly nothing left._

 

“You have no idea how proud I am of him! He passed his test with flying colors!” You never knew one person's voice could sound this irritating to your ears, yet here it was and it made you feel like cramming scissors down your ears. Had Min’s voice always been this high-pitched and nasally?

 

“If you hadn’t helped me I would have never gotten such a good grade!” It seemed like the pair of scissors you so desperately wished to shove down your ears were being shoved through your heart instead. You were eating your favorite food and yet it tasted stale, flavorless and cold in your mouth. What was it? The way Yoosung had his arm wrapped around Min’s shoulders, or the way he looked into her eyes so lovingly that made you feel as if you were asphyxiating?

 

You listened as the couple went on praising one another almost _too_ lovingly right before you but your eyes searched your surroundings desperately for something else to focus on, god knew you couldn’t take another second of this. Every now and then you’d look back up at them and give them a small smile and nod followed by a short response to show you were listening but it didn’t seem to matter because despite the fact that they were talking to you they both seemed to be in their own little world as they continued to go on.

 

After a few minutes you spotted a little girl in a cat sweater, the cat on the sweater reminded you of Elizabeth the III and Elizabeth reminded you of Jumin. It’d been about three weeks and a half since you’d stormed out of Jumin’s office back at C&R and since then you hadn’t spoken to him properly. Even on the messenger the both of you had avoided crossing words with each other despite being logged on at the same time, it was something the other members did not take long in noticing.

 

Zen began by accusing Jumin of doing something that might have upset you, Jumin of course would neither confirm nor deny it. You couldn’t help but to feel responsible, if you hadn’t exploded at Jumin back at his office none of it would be happening. Honestly, the situation flustered you and you didn’t really know how to handle it. In a sense you knew Jumin had only been trying to help you, but you also felt that he had partial responsibility for continuing to push you about something that made you so uneasy. In the end you felt that either way you owed him an apology for the childish way you felt you had acted. You tried smoothing things over with Jumin by trying to initiate any sort of interaction over the messenger with him, you believed that would show the others that there was nothing to worry about and that all matters between Jumin and you had been resolved. Even if that wasn’t true, you need to find a way to calm the chaotic storm whirling within the messenger.

 

Despite the fact that now you two were at least on talking terms again the interactions between you two were still awkward and strained. You felt that this was mostly because you had yet to make actual peace or form closure with Jumin, perhaps in the form of an apology but you never seemed to find the right moment to do so. Jumin was a busy man and you didn’t want to waste his time on something that had been caused due to your fault.

 

While the lack of apology was one of the probable reasons for the strainment in your relationship with Jumin the other reason could be that things in the messenger were still somewhat chaotic. Everything had begun to calm back down once Jumin and you had begun speaking again, but things went back down hill when Zen asked Jaehee whether she knew if anything had happened between you and Jumin. Apparently you hadn’t noticed that Jaehee had seen you when you stormed out of Jumin’s office visibly upset, so when Zen asked her it slipped out and again began the problems. Now Zen with the addition of Seven and Yoosung were back to pestering Jumin (and you but mostly Jumin) about what had happened back at his office.

 

As if it hadn’t been enough that you felt awkward speaking to Yoosung but now Jumin was added to the list of RFA members you were trying to avoid and with Seven and Zen pushing you on about what had happened back at C&R you felt like you couldn’t talk to them anymore either without feeling awkward as well. Then there was Jaehee but knowing that she’d seen you in such a bad state back at C&R only made you feel more awkward when trying to play the whole thing off on the messenger as if nothing had happened.

 

As a result you’d been avoiding the entire RFA as of lately, you’d never felt more disconnected from them.

 

so how had you ended up here in between two _‘lovebirds’_?

 

It all began when Seven pointed out on the messenger that now that Yoosung had started dating it seemed as if he had been neglecting his friendship with you and to make-up for it Yoosung promised you that no matter what come Friday night he would hang out with you at the arcade like you two use to before he begun going out with Min. So, what was Min doing with you two then? Well, apparently Yoosung forgot that he had promised Min to go out the same day to celebrate the passing grades on their biology exam and Yoosung being Yoosung didn’t want to break either promise so he decided to make a compromise and take both his best-friend and girlfriend out for a day at the mall.  

 

If it had been up to you, you would have just canceled and you did try…

 

But Yoosung had insisted that you go with Min and him, it got to the point where it would have been rude to continue to reject his offer. If he knew how much it hurt… If he knew about your feelings, what would he do? Nevermind, you didn’t want to think about it… you knew the answer.

 

And that’s what hurt the most.

 

Deep down at the core of your soul, it heavily pained you to know you never had a chance in the first place. You would never be able to compare to Min in his eyes and how could you?

 

What was it about her that had made him fall for her in the first place?

 

Her cute short blonde wavy hair?

 

Her small buttoned nose?

 

Her small and well cared for hands?

 

Her pretty blue eyes?

 

Her clear and soft skin?

 

Her thin peach colored lips?

 

Perhaps, her small and girlish frame and stature?

 

Or, that angelic smile of hers that radiated a cliche innocence that Yoosung seemed to love so much?

 

No matter what it was that he liked about her, you didn’t envy her looks for a second… just the guy she had at her side.

 

_Damn these stupid feelings. Damn them. Damn them..._

 

You hated that you felt this way for him. He was your best-friend, if it weren’t for your feelings you would feel on top of the world right now knowing that you had helped your friend finally get the girl of his dreams. Why did you have to be so selfish and want more from him than he could give you?

 

The burning sensation… you’d felt it all day and surprisingly you’d been able to keep up your facade despite the fire running through your veins but now you felt the fire within you extinguishing slowly. Every time they looked lovingly into each other’s eyes, every second they held hands, every moment of this infernal day put the fire closer to ashes and only thing that was being left behind was a deep and heavy sorrow that felt a thousand times worse. It was a matter of time until your facade came crumbling down with the rest of you.

 

“Don’t you think?” Yoosung asked.

 

“Huh?” You looked up at him confused, your mind had wandered off god knows how long ago and you had no idea what he was asking you now.

 

“I was saying; I don’t think the other’s would have a problem if Min came to our next RFA party, don’t you think?” Yoosung asked again.

 

“Oh!... uh… no. I don’t see why they would have to oppose to it…” You shrugged taking a sip of your drink. In all honesty the last thing you wanted was to see Min and Yoosung at the RFA party acting as lovey-dovey as they were now. Deep in your heart if that were the case you hoped the others would oppose to it, no matter how bad it felt to wish something like that.

 

“Oh I’d love for you to go, Min. You’d love it! We all work so hard on them, plus I’d be able to introduce you to all the rest of the RFA members. We’re all like one big family, I’d love for you to meet them all.” Yoosung smiled.

 

“And I’d love to meet them all, I’d really love to go.” Min replied, gazing up into Yoosung’s large violet eyes lovingly.

 

Ugh. Why did you feel like purging the contents in your stomach?

 

“Great! I’ll tell the others! Y/N, do you think you could send Min an invitation?” Yoosung asked.

 

“Oh, sure, I’ll get on it at soon as I get home.” You smiled faking enthusiasm and immediately tearing your eyes away from them.

 

“Y/N, is something wrong? You’ve seen off all day.” Yoosung asked you looking into your eyes with concern.

 

“Huh? Oh… uh…. I’m just tired, that’s all.” You replied quietly with a small smile.

 

“Really?” He asked once again. “You don’t seem tired, I feel like there’s something else you’re not telling me. You’ve been acting the same on the messenger.”

 

 _Shit! Shit!_ Was he picking up on you? You were internalizing your panic because all you could do on the outside was stare back at him blankly as if you didn't have a single clue about what he could possibly be talking about. You shifted your gaze from him to Min, who was just staring back at you for a response.

 

“I… uh… I… uh  don’t know what you’re-” You were caught off.

 

“Is it because of what’s been going on with Jumin?” Yoosung asked, his look turned serious.

 

“Oh. Uh, I guess it is.” You almost felt the sigh of relief leave your lips. You didn’t want to talk about what had happened with Jumin but even that was better than admitting to the truth. “...It’s just that I saw a little girl in a cat sweater and the cat reminded me of Jumin, that’s it.”

 

“What happened?” He asked. “Why won’t you tell us?”

 

“Honestly, I’d rather not talk about it. What happened is just between Jumin and I. Just know that what happened back at C&R wasn’t Jumin’s fault. It was mainly mine, so please trust me to solve this on my own, okay?” You asked gently. “And you guys shouldn’t be antagonizing Jumin about me.” You continued, looking back up at him. “I know you guys are worried about me but Jumin really doesn’t deserved to be pestered like that over something I caused, besides it’s only making the situation more difficult between us.”

 

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I can do to help you?” He asked once again, his sympathetic eyes sadly searching for your gaze but yours adamantly struggling to resist looking into his.

 

“You’re doing more than enough by just being a good friend to me…” _A good friend, just that. Only ever that_. “So please trust me to handle this on my own.” Your voice trailed off quietly.

 

The silence began to make the atmosphere feel asphyxiating again and you desperately wanted to find any excuse to leave.

 

“I’m gonna… go get myself a refill.” You sighed quietly, getting up to leave.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll do it.” Yoosung interrupted taking your cup out of your hand, there was a brief moment when both your hands touched and you snatched yours back avoiding his eyes. The aching sensation within your chest only growing bigger and bigger. How much more would you be able to keep this up?

 

“No, don’t worry about it. Stay here with Min, the soda fountain is all the way next to the food court.” You insisted reaching out your hand for your cup.

 

“I was getting up to go either way, I need one too.” He replied turning to leave with a small reassuring smile.

 

Without any other word you slowly slumped back down to your seat, you couldn’t feel any worse now. Slowly you let out a deep breath looking up to Min and giving her a small smile as you began to fiddle with the straw’s wrapper. You’d talked to Min before during her study sessions with Yoosung, but that was before your feelings had complicated themselves. She was a good person definitely more suited for Yoosung than you and easy to get along with but now it just felt so awkward to be sitting at the same table as the girl who now owned the heart of the man who undoubtedly had yours.

 

“Are you sure, you’re okay?” Min asked.

 

_No, I’m not and I wish I could say it’s your fault… but it wouldn’t be true or right to blame you for my shortcomings._

 

“Yeah.” You replied shortly. “Thank you for worrying.”

 

“You know… If you want to leave you can, I’ll cover for you.” Min’s voice came again. You looked up at her, her blue sapphire eyes studying you very carefully.

 

“What about Yoosung?” You asked looking up in the direction he had headed off on.

 

“I’ll tell him you ran into some other friends or something.” She smiled sweetly giving you a nonchalant shrug. “I can tell you’re not feeling well, how about you just go? It’s not worth it to keep on pretending you're fine. Just go.” She encouraged with a small smile, however there was something offputting about the way she smiled at you…   

 

“Alright, thanks.” You replied shaking it off and picking up your jacket next to you and sliding out of your seat to get up, you quickly walked off before Yoosung had a chance to return but the whole way you left the food court eating area you could feel Min’s vision solely focused on your back.

 

_________________________

  


You found yourself walking around the mall aimlessly, what were you doing? You should have gone home… You didn’t worry about bumping into Yoosung & Min, Yoosung had planned on going to the movies after the meal and the mall’s theater was in the completely opposite direction of where you were now.

 

Why hadn’t you gone home? In a sense you believed that this was still better than going home and feeling sorry for yourself. If you went home you’d be all alone and with solitude would come self-pity and despair followed by a long shower-cry. The last thing you wanted right now was to be left alone with your thoughts and while talking about the problem might have been a tempting option, you weren’t going to entertain it.

 

You’d been told many times before how talking would make you feel better but that wouldn’t be the case if you went to your friends, RFA or not, they all knew something was wrong with you even if they didn’t know what it was and the last thing you wanted was for them to look at you with sympathetic eyes as if you were some wounded animal. They meant well and you knew it but if they worried about how bad you appeared to feel on the outside you didn’t want to begin to imagine how worse it would get if they knew that on the inside the feeling was a hundred times worse.

 

After a while you found yourself standing outside of a store shop store window and looking at one of the posters pinned up;  a couple camping under the stars together enveloped in each other's arms as they promoted the store’s line of clothes.

 

Fantasies filled your head… And you dumbly bothered to entertain them. How you wished that could’ve been You and Yoosung but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon or ever so what was the point in dreaming? Cruelly giving yourself false hope? You felt guilty deep down to even think about hoping that Yoosung and Min’s relationship would fail, he was happy and that’s all that mattered. _He was happy and that made you happy deep down in your heart for him_. How many hundred times had you repeated yourself that? You needed to let go of him, that’s what you concluded.

 

 

_If you truly love someone let them go…_

 

_If they return then it was probably meant to be...._

 

_And if they don’t perhaps it never was…_

 

 

But he’d never been yours to begin with, so how could you let go of someone you’d never had?

 

How did the process work in that case?

 

Were you doomed to live like this until your heart and soul could no longer take it?

 

And what would happen when they were no longer able to take it?

 

What would happen to you?

 

Would you be able to move on from there and be happy for him?

 

Or

 

Would you just stop feeling altogether?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a few minutes late but it's here. Part 4 is in the works as we speak, expect it any day within this week. Again thank you all for your support, it means the world to me!


	4. Playing With Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some can find a fire’s flame to be dangerously alluring. Some chose to touch the flame despite the consequences.

 

 

 

_A fire is a fire and all a fire can do is burn down everything that gets in it’s way… Something that only knows how to destroy can never hope to hold anything dear without destroying that too._

 

 

 

“I think I prefer the white ones compared to the Yellow ones, Hmm… but we should also consider the environment outside so the lights don’t clash with the natural light. In that case I suppose that the Yellow lights could work too. What do you think?” Jaehee’s voice asked.

 

“They both look nice, but I guess you’re right about the natural light clashing with the ones inside.”

 

“Remind me to talk to lighting crew about this, in that case.” Jaehee asked you, looking over the contents of her clipboard.

 

“Alright, they should be getting back from their break around three-thirty. Next thing is checking the decor to make sure everything is properly set-up.”  

 

“Thirty minutes from now? Hmm.. That’s funny.”

 

“What is?”

 

“Well if the lighting crew is suppose to be here at three-thirty that mean’s Yoosung’s already thirty minutes late, he was suppose to be here around four. That’s not like him. Usually he’d be one of the first ones here. Do you have any idea what could be keeping him?”

 

“... No. To be honest, Yoosung and I haven’t been talking as of late.” The question made you stop in your tracks momentarily before you continued looking over the contents of the clipboard.

 

“Yes, I noticed there seem to be a sudden change in your relationship with him but I figured you two still managed to chat more off messenger.” Jaehee’s voice came.

 

“We use to, but I guess now that he’s dating it wouldn’t be that appropriate anymore.”

 

A couple of days after your outing with Yoosung & Min, He had begun to become more and more distant. His replies got briefer on the messenger and his calls and texts became less and less frequent, after awhile you noticed that it was only the case for you. He seemed to treat everyone else like normal; he kept on being tricked by Seven, complaining about Zen’s selfies, sympathizing and looking up to Jaehee and treating Jumin the same as always. Yet it was only to you that he’d reply to in short and brief curt responses. He stopped asking you about your day, stopped joking around with you and he wouldn’t direct a word toward you unless you did to him and when you did it seemed as if you had to pry the words out of him yourself.

 

You wanted to pretend it didn’t hurt but it did.

 

Nonetheless you carried on acting the same way towards him even when on the inside you felt as if you’d long ago broken down like an old car it the midst of nowhere. You’d ask Yoosung about his day or try to make conversation with him and he’d respond with one word. Anytime you tried to pick up a conversation with him on the messenger you felt as if you were walking on eggshells.The others had noticed too.

 

Zen had called you a couple of times regarding Yoosung’s change in attitude and your emotional state, he knew you cared about your best-friend and that his new attitude towards you must have been affecting you in someway. Seven had also called you up a few times to ask you whether something had happened between you and Yoosung, but you’d only offered him the same replies you’d offered Zen.

 

After Yoosung’s change with you Zen and Seven became a lot more attentive of you; calling and texting you more frequently and trying to lift your mood up on the messenger. Seven had even invited you out to a movie on one of the days he hadn’t had any work, you tried to make the best out of it and enjoy it but while it was a good way to get your head out of the gutters at the end of the day you returned back to your apartment… to be left alone with reality.

 

Had he finally seen past your facade? Had he realized the truth about your feelings for him, was that why he was keeping his distance from you? Had you been too selfish, was that it? He’d given you his friendship and you had greedily hungered for more. What was going on? You felt so lost and lonely. You’d never felt like more of an outcast. Some nights the loneliness didn’t let you shut an eye, you’d lay awake blankly staring ahead and by day trying to keep your mind busy enough to keep you from thinking about it.

 

Fast forward two weeks later and you were able to log into the messenger because of Zen and Seven’s warm welcomes, things were still strained with Jumin and now Yoosung. And things felt awkward with Jaehee because you couldn’t really deny anything to her since she’d seen and probably heard most of your out lash at the office.

 

Initially you believed Yoosung was being like that because he was upset that you’d left him and Min without telling him, but if that had been the case wouldn’t he had been upset from that same exact day onwards? It didn’t make sense that he’d let his anger sink in and then stop talking to you a couple of days after, besides Yoosung was more of the type of person who would talk out his problems with the person he was upset with. Why was he acting like that? Had you done something wrong?

 

“Whatever the reason maybe… I feel like there’s something straining the relationship between you and Yoosung.” She stated quietly. “Please don’t think that if I haven’t ask you it’s not because I don’t care but because I don’t wish to be impertinent and upset you in some way with questions that may aggravate you. I feel as if you’ve had enough on your mind as of lately.”  

 

“Thank you, Jaehee.” You thanked her with a kind smile which she corresponded to with a soft reassuring one.

 

“I’m at your disposition whenever you want to talk about something that maybe bothering you… I don’t mean just this problem in particular, if you’d like to talk about whatever happened with Mr. Han back at the office or the real source behind your argument with him, I’ll be there to listen as long as you wish to speak about it.” She continued, placing her warm hand gently over yours.

 

“How is Jumin doing?” You asked timidly.

 

“On the outside he seems to be the same as ever…” She paused. “But I doubt the same could be said for how he feels on the inside. By the way he was planning cat projects, I could tell something must have been bothering him. Most likely the argument the both of you had. After you two started speaking again the numbers of cat projects decreased, but he’s still planning a good sum of them so I must assume that the tension between the two of you must still be affecting him.”

 

“Are you sure that’s the case? I didn’t think that what happened would bother him that much, he doesn’t seem to let many things bother him-”

 

“I wouldn’t be able to say for sure but I really do believe that must be the case, nothing that could be bothering has happened… his father has been taking a break from seeing women after an incident concerning Glam Choi happened, V’s still absent but compared to before he’s been checking in more recently and Elizabeth’s health is better than ever. Everything should be fine but then there is the argument you two had at his office, that’s the only thing I could think about that could be bothering him.”

 

“I see.” You replied with a small sigh. While you’d gotten along fairly well with Jumin, he once again became the intimidating figure he had initially been in your eyes. Mostly, you were afraid he would reject your apology.

 

“Since you two seem to be speaking again, can I assume the storm has blown over? However both your interactions still seem strained. As you know Mr. Han is not the best at expressing his feelings, I’m sure that if he’s continued to act distant it’s not because he’s angry but mostly because he doesn’t know how to approach the situation.”

 

“... That makes two of us, Jaehee.”

 

“I understand, Mr. Han is not the easiest person to get along with. I’m sure this whole situation must be tough on you but please keep in mind that he might not know how to take the initiative to make amends, you might have to help him and meet him halfway if you really want to put this stressful ordeal behind the two of you.”   

 

“Thank you for the advice Jaehee, I’ll take it to heart and I’ll figure out a way to resolve the problems between Jumin and I.” Jaehee’s words offered some comfort but you still felt uneasy about just going to see Jumin. You wanted to find the proper way to approach the situation, so that the peace made between the both of you wouldn’’t feel forced but you couldn’t leave this problem unresolved either. “I’ll talk to him after the party. I promise.”

 

“I’m sure everything will work out, Y/N.”

 

After that you and Jaehee continued to go around the party room inspecting it’s every corner and looking at different lightings as well as different decour materials. The party was the next day and with it being the largest party the RFA would hold thus far, it was necessary to check on preparations a day in advance to avoid any kind of mishaps.

 

“It’s almost an hour since Yoosung should have been here, he would have called us if he wouldn’t have been able to make it. Do you think something happened to him?” Jaehee asked worriedly. You two were halfway through with finishing the inspection of the party room and the fact that Yoosung hadn’t contacted either of you to say he wouldn’t be coming did begin to worry you.  

 

“Let’s not think things like that, why don’t you try calling him?”

 

“Right! Where is my mind? Y/N, please excuse me for a moment.” She smiled sheepishly pulling out her cellphone and excusing herself to another part of the room.

 

The last few days you’d avoided thinking about what had happened after you’d left Yoosung and Min at the mall food court.

 

You had thought the worst was over once you’d left but you were wrong.

 

God knows how long you’d been wandering around the mall in a state of a mental comatose. You were well and living but all your emotions had ended up feelings so drained that you felt like part of the living dead as you continued to circle around the mall. As you did you let your mind go blank, you didn’t want to think about anything at all; not Min, not Yoosung, not Jumin, not the messenger, not the party, not yourself and any of the problems **you** had brought upon yourself.

 

And that’s when you saw it: Min and Yoosung kissing in front of the mall’s fountain…

 

She was kissing him and he was fervently responding.

 

After a long day and with that to top it off you thought you’d cry, but you didn’t.

 

You didn’t shed a single tear that day.  

 

The burning sensation that manifested itself within your chest, the one you had been so worried about extinguishing until your facade crumbled... didn’t burn out.

 

On the contrary, the complete opposite happened.  

 

All it took the dying fire was one match and just like that, you felt every inch of your being engulfed by the burning sensation all over again.

 

It only took your mind a second to process what was happening before you were able to spin around on the heels of your feet and walk towards the nearest exit.

 

You were happy for him. You really were but there was a pain in your soul that was unbearable to keep caring on with. You didn’t know exactly where you were going, you only knew that you’d go somewhere you’d be able to calm the pain.

 

Drinks. You wanted a drink so bad. Cross that, you didn’t want the drinks what you wanted was to forget like you had that one night. You weren’t going to, drink that is. You knew alcohol was a dangerous thing to play with, it could become addicting and it could hurt you if you had too much. You could’ve always called your friend to supervise you but you’d already given her enough trouble from the last time and you didn’t want to worry her more than she had been over you the last few weeks, on top of that you weren’t going to burden anyone just because you felt like complete waste right now.

 

Drinking. That wasn’t what you would do every time you felt the insides of you quiver in pain.

 

_At least not this time._

 

But you had to do something about the soreness in your soul, you wanted to feel as sore on the outside as you had on the inside. You had to do something about the fire in your body that was swallowing you alive mercilessly.

 

Once you were outside of the mall your feet as if on automatic began to run without further command from your brain. Your sneakers pounding against the streets pavement, with the image from a few seconds ago in your brain. You were running as if you wanted to get away from it. You didn’t know where you were going and the only way you’d know was once you got there. You ran and ran but no matter how much you ran the pain on the inside was still more than the one accumulating on your legs. The only thing you desired was to run until you were as numb with pain on the outside as you were on the inside.

 

You must have ran miles that day, by the time you stopped your lungs and ribcage ached, your legs were numbingly sore and you felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen. By the time your breathing had finally steadied and you took a good look around you, you came to realize you’d run all the way out to the opposite side of the city.

How you got home? You didn’t even know. The sun had begun to set once you were a few blocks away from your home and by the time you got inside your little apartment your legs were shaking just trying to keep you upright. As soon as you were arms-length near your bed you dropped yourself down on it and lost yourself in your own weary tiredness, immediately surrendering yourself to Morpheus' care and Hypnos' arms. 

 

The next day had been hell, you’d woken up so sore in your legs you’d hardly been able to get out of bed without stumbling to the ground. The worse thing was that the pain your body had then experienced only served to remind you of what had happened the day before.

 

You had avoided thinking about it ever since that day but today it seemed to be impossible to keep your mind from roaming into that dark place. Maybe it was because you knew you’d see Yoosung again today for the first time since that day and truthfully you were nervous about it. Would your interactions be as forced as they were on the chatroom or would you two pretend nothing was wrong?

 

“I think it’s best if we continue without Yoosung.” Jaehee’s voice cut into your thoughts.

 

“Hmm? Why? Did something happen?”

 

“He didn’t pick up, I assume it was his girlfriend who answered his phone.”

 

“Min? What’d she say is Yoosung okay?” You asked.

 

“I don’t know she didn’t say, according to her Yoosung is very ‘busy’ right now and won’t be able to make it.” Jaehee replied imitating Min’s voice and letting out an irritated groan. “She then told me to not call again and hung up.”  

 

“Oh.” You breathed out. “I guess he must be busy with her then…” Your voice trailed off, unaware of the words your mouth spoke for you or their meaning.

 

“What do you mean? You don’t think they’re-” Jaehee’s face turned slightly pink before clearing her throat. “Oh my.”

 

Your heart ached greatly at the thought.

 

“I never meant to insinuate that but… thanks for putting that imagery in my head. That’ll be a hard one to get out.” You sighed picking up your clipboard and walking away. “Anyway, I’m gonna go have a talk with the sound guy.”

 

For the next hour you continued to work alongside Jaehee, your mind went into work mode as if to keep yourself busy from thinking about that which could hurt you. After a few more minutes you two were done and ready to call it a day. Jaehee must have noticed your state because she ended up inviting you out for a cup of coffee but you didn’t accept her invitation. You didn’t want to keep putting up a facade, you just wanted some rest. After the two of you bid your goodbyes you watched as Jaehee walked away until she could no longer be seen, you yourself ended up wandering around to the back exit of the building and sitting down on the steps.  

 

The imagery of Jaehee’s insinuation was clear as day in your head but you didn’t feel like trying to ignore it or push it out of your head the more the struggle the bigger the pain. You let it sink in not bothering to do anything else about it. Ever since the morning after the mall incident it seemed like the fire had gone out, you couldn’t feel it anymore. All the pain and the fury and anger that had once stormed within your soul chaotically painting the world red in your eyes, seemed to have abandoned you. All that was left now was helplessness, despair, guilt, disappointment, disillusion…

 

Were you broken? You felt broken.

 

_You couldn’t feel._

 

_You couldn’t feel anything._

 

You couldn’t feel the fire running courses through your veins and you couldn’t cry either.

 

The pain was numbing.

 

You stared off into the distance blankly as if waiting for an answer.

 

And then a single tear streamed down your cheek.

 

You hadn’t been able to cry and while you wondered why, that didn’t mean you had wanted to cry. You just wanted an answer to your questions or at the most a solution to this lovesickness that you no longer wanted to feel.

 

You hadn’t cried that day so why were you about to now?

 

Was it because now more than before the facts were imprinted in your brain. You’d been so determined to be happy for him all this time or at least to pretend you were, to smile for him, You'd been so determined that’d you managed to get through those days but now that he no longer seemed to need you your self-conscious didn’t sense a need to keep pretending.

 

While they were probably doing what you didn’t even want to imagine, you sat there feeling like a broken mess.

 

It began with the one first tear, and like the drinks,

 

A second tear followed that one…  

 

And then a third…  

 

The only difference? That unlike with the drinks you were still holding back.

 

Another followed by an other and eventually more tears by the dozen followed those, before you knew it rivers of tears dripped down your cheeks, Your body was still and your breathing didn’t change because deep down you were still holding back a lot more. You pulled in your legs to your chest and hugged yourself tightly leaning against the steps handrail.

 

“...Y/N?”

 

You’d drowned out everything and could barely hear your name be called from behind. Your mind was still stuck between hell and earth and you tiredly turned to the voice without any words of your own.

 

Your eyes were tinted a light red from the tears, and your cheeks and nose slightly pink from the coolness of the day's temperature beginning to drop.

 

Orchid eyes snapped you out of your mental comatose state and you shook yourself off.

 

“Y/N, are you crying? What’s wrong? What happened?” Yoosung asked worriedly rushing to your side.

 

_What is he doing here?_

 

“Nothing.” You replied quickly drying your tears. “I think I might just be having an allergic reaction to the dust in there.” You replied giving a small smile and picking yourself up to leave. “Anyway, we’re all done here. Jaehee left already and I should really get going. Good day, Yoosung.”

 

But there was something about that smile, that was forced and Yoosung noticed it. He knew you were lying to him.

 

You turned in the direction of the back exit's gates and began to walk away and then you felt Yoosung’s hand pull you back.

 

“Don’t lie to me.” His voice came out loud like a desprate plea before softening up. “Please. Something’s wrong, why won’t you tell me?”

 

You’d expected him to quietly let you be on your way by the way he had been acting on the messenger.

 

“It’s nothing, Yoosung. Just drop it.” You demanded pulling back your hand and trying to dry your face off quickly. “I’m fine, see?” You asked faking a smile to show him you were 'fine'. 

 

“Stop lying!” He pulled your hand back and took the other one holding them strongly enough for you not to pull it back without struggling a bit. Yet, his hold was not intended to hurt you. “I’m not letting you leave in that state.”

 

“Why do you care!? This is my problem just let me deal with it on my own.” You cried too tired to keep the facade up, when it was obviously failing. 

 

“Don’t you get it I… I care about you!... You’re my best-friend, **_I won’t let go of you_ ** ever even if you yell at me! I’ll always be there for you!”

 

_Best-friend._

 

There was a pang of pain resonating and sending painful vibrations throughout you. Those words, you were so sick of them. You didn’t want to hear them anymore. You wanted out, you wanted to leave. And at those words, your tears began once again to drip down the sides of your face and you struggled to get your hands free from Yoosung’s grip. You didn’t want him to see you like this. You wanted him to believe you were happy, even if you were dying from a broken heart. You wanted him to believe you were happy.

 

You were desperate to leave but he wouldn’t let you.

 

He wouldn’t let you go. As much as you struggled to free yourself he only kept pulling you closer until you were enveloped in his arms. You continued to struggle, letting yourself slump to the ground in hopes that he’d just finally let you go….

 

In your early youth, this trick had always worked for you. You didn’t want to go to visit your horrible extended family and you’d slump to the ground until your parents gave up trying to reason with you.

Your friends had once wanted to take you on the ferries wheel, whilst knowing you dreaded heights and you let yourself slump to the ground until the finally gave up trying to pull you back up.

Your friends a few years later tried pushing you to confess to your crush and you let yourself slump to the ground again until they finally gave up trying to drag you. It always worked once you hit the ground people would just give up on you…

 

… but Yoosung wasn’t giving up. Even as you slumped to the ground he let you, but never letting go and the both of you ended up sitting on the ground with his arms still clung around you.

 

After awhile of continuous struggle between the both of you… you finally gave up.

 

You didn't want to cry. You didn't want him to see you like this.You were still biting back so many of your feelings but you let what little of your feelings came dripping out drip out. You didn’t want him to see your face, see the little pain you could not hide and hid your face in his shoulder. You felt his hand gently rest on the back of your head, petting it as the other one gently held your back.

 

You could feel your tears dampening the shoulder of his shirt.

 

“Why won’t you just let me go?” You mumbled gently into his shoulder after a while.

 

There was silence for a couple of seconds as he continued to run his fingers through your hair in a calming manner. Then he finally pulled away and lifted your face with his hand, he had shed a few tears as well and you immediately regretted not having pushed him away and thus leaving him behind to avoid him that.

 

“I can’t… I care about you too much.”  He smiled looking into your eyes as he pushed one of your strands of hair away from your face and tucking it away behind your ear.

 

The pinkish-orange of the sunset mixed with his amethyst colored eyes, they were too alluring, almost hypnotic. You were mesmerized by his eyes, by the feeling they gave off to you. As if they were trying to tell you what you longed to hear. He was staring deeply into your eyes and you could only return the heat of his gaze.

 

The way he was looking into your eyes…

 

You didn’t want to imagine what was not there.

 

But… the way he was looking into your eyes, it just felt too special…

 

It was too good to be real, this had to be a dream. It just had to.

 

You didn’t want it to be a dream though. You desperately desired this.

 

You were dreaming. This wasn’t happening.

 

You began to look away from him but as soon as you did you felt Yoosung’s hand gently rest alongside your jawline and pull your attention back to him. Softly he ran his hand up and down the side of your cheek, caressing your skin ever so gently. You were too stunned to move or say anything, you had to be dreaming.

 

His eyes never left yours… until the moment they caught the attention of something else. His gaze brushed over your lips and you could feel something warm within your chest begin to match the accelerating of your heartbeat. He looked back up to you eyes momentarily before looking back down to your lips and beginning to lean forward.

 

Instinctively you began to lean in as well. Your eyes scanning every inch of him; his lips, eyes, hands, neck…

 

 _Neck_.

 

_Marks?_

 

**_Love bites._ **

 

**Min.**

 

**Min’s love bites.**

 

 **Those were Min’s love bites on Yoosung’s neck**.

 

Those were **her** love bites on **h** **is** neck.

 

_He just came back from being with Min._

 

 Min had left those behind on him. He was Min’s. He had just come back from being with Min and now he was here with you.

 

The warmness in your chest became, hot. Dry intolerable scorching heat. Fire. You felt like you were on fire. The sunset along with the rest of the world went from a sweet dreamlike pink to a seething red.

 

What was he doing? He was one way on the messenger and then a completely different one now in person.

 

He treated you coldly one day and then the next he was making an advancement on you... after having been with another girl. Not just any other girl, his girlfriend.  

 

Was he trying to drive you mad, to confuse you?

 

What was he trying to do?

 

_He was playing with your head._

 

_He was playing with your feelings._

 

 _He was playing with your heart_.

 

_He was playing with you._

 

 **_He was playing with fire_ **.

 

Did he know what he was doing? Did he have any idea at all? All your pain, all your anger, all your sadness. Hadn't he figured out the cause behind them already? 

 

You pushed him away from you, running your hands down over your head and smoothing your hair out quickly as if trying to find your composure. You didn't know what to think. There was a mix of feelings welling up inside you; Anger? Heartache? Lividness? You didn’t know, you couldn’t describe it. You couldn't think. You just knew you had to leave while you could before you completely broke down.

 

Why was he doing this to you?

 

_… You were trying so hard._

 

“I have to go.” You stated in a sharp and cold voice. Without looking at him again you stood up and practically fled from him. He was playing with fire and you had to get away before he got burned with your flames.

 

“Y/N!” You heard him call after you but you didn’t turn back around to look at him. You couldn't think at the moment much less talk. You heard a few steps behind you and picked up the pace fleeing as far away from him as possible.  

 

“Y/N, please wait!”

 

But you didn’t want to. You were so confused and tired. You just wanted to leave. You needed to clear your head...

 

And you knew exactly how.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't started part 5 yet but Midterms are almost over, meaning I'll have more free time to write it up. I'm thinking about making part 5 a bonus from a different character's perspective (I already know whose) since we've only been reading through MC's POV, but I don't know whether to fall through with it or not since it's very underdeveloped at the moment. If I do make a bonus chapter it'll go up immediately with the next actual chapter, since the bonus will be relatively short. 
> 
> I'm almost done with the series and we might be looking at 8 chapters in total but I still can't guarantee. Stick around for the next chapters and find out whether I'll finally have mercy or not ;)


	5. Fleeing Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where does a fire flee to, when it keeps burning everything in its path despite?

 

_A fire that feels… is one that burns._

 

 

 

 

Your head was aching and all you could do at the moment was lay in bed, eyes shut in an attempt to not lose the little sanity you had left.

 

What had happened the day before?

 

You didn’t know, everything was still a blur in your head.

 

At the moment the entire previous day was a complete and utter incoherent haze, the only thing you were able to recall was feeling upset at some point but not the reason... and a part inside of you told you that it was exactly what you had wanted. The pain was still resonating within your head and every single inch of you felt disgusting, an odd sensation of deja vu came over you as if you had lived this before yet nothing came to mind just yet.

 

Laying in bed in both mental and physical distraught, you felt something soft tickle you under the nose. Quickly you went to shake it off and it stopped momentarily before it tickled your nose again. Throwing an arm over your face, you were beginning to realize why this all felt so familiar.

 

“At least let me wake up before your start messing with me.” You sighed, turning onto your side away from the tickling sensation. Then, there it was again. “Dude, c’mon quit it. At least let me sleep some more before you try to lecture me, I promise second time's the charm, I won’t drink again. I promise! But just let me sleep.”

 

_“Meow?”_

 

“Elizabeth, I’m trying to sleep. Don’t be rude.” You were too tired to argue, you just wanted to rest even if it was for five more minutes.

 

 _“Meow?”_ There was the soft sensation under your nose again with the addition of some weight shifting from your shoulder area.

 

“Elizabeth, not now.”  You mumbled tugging the blankets to your face before your eyes shot open and you nearly rocketed upright on the bed.

 

“Elizabeth!?” You looked up at the white satin soft cat perched up on your side, her crystal blue eyes looking down at you cutely. Gently you lowered her down into your arms finally sitting up, one good look around and you knew the room you’d awoken in was far from being your home.

 

“... Elizabeth? Where did you go Elizabeth?” The familiar voice called gently from the corridor and before you could process what had happened to you last night in order for you to have ended up in this odd situation, Elizabeth let out a long and loud meow.

 

“There you are. Elizabeth, I thought I told you to-” The door crept open gently and Jumin stepped out from behind slowly.

 

“Good morning, I see you're awake.” He greeted stepping in further and looking down at Elizabeth, who was still resting quietly within your arms; her tail playfully waving back and forth.

 

“Uh… Good morning.” You replied shortly.  

 

 _What were you doing here, in his home?_ You wanted to ask but worried it would sound a bit rude considering how he must have looked after you in your drunken state? 

 

This was the first time since the incident back at the office that you were able to see and to speak to Jumin in person and it felt awkward, you weren’t able to understand how seemed completely unfazed and act so casual as if nothing had happened in the first place.

 

_It’s Jumin, of course, he seems so normal after what happened, they don’t call him the iron mask for nothing._

 

Still, you wondered whether he was actually as at ease as he seemed.  

 

“I’m sorry about Elizabeth, she must have came in when I went to set her meal.”

 

“No, don’t worry about it, she just wanted to wake me up nicely besides this is your home if there’s anyone that’s intruding it’s me… so don’t worry about.” You replied trying to smile but it only ended coming out awkwardly.

 

“How do you feel?” He asked standing before the foot of the bed.

 

“... I… um, my head feels a bit groggy and I feel like garbage but I’m fine otherwise.”

 

“I see. Well, with how much you drank this is the only natural outcome. Don’t worry about it, I called someone to prepare and bring up to you a breakfast that will help you with your hangover. I recommend you clean up, shower and dress up until they get here. The party starts at twelve but as hosts we should be there earlier. By the way be sure to wait for me after the party, I’d like to discuss your drinking habits with you afterwards.”

 

“Wait, what? My drinking habits? What are you talking about? I’m not an alcoholic, Jumin.”

 

“Do you remember how much you drank last night? Are you aware that with how much you drank that being rushed to hospital under alcohol intoxication could have been a very probable outcome?”

 

“Jumin, I’m an adult. I think I can take care of myself.”

 

“You can take care of yourself?” Jumin asked quizzically. “Then prove it because unless you’re willing to look after your own health and keep disregarding it so carelessly than I will continue interfering. It disappoints and greatly sadness me to see how recklessly you are hurting yourself on whims and I refuse to stand back and do nothing as you silently continue. After the party we will discuss your harmful drinking habits and I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.” He stated in a sharp tone. “Then, if there’s nothing more to be discussed, I’ll be leaving you to your preparations. We’ll be going to the party together, so be ready. Elizabeth, come.” With that Elizabeth hopped out from within your arms and went to follow Jumin.  

 

“Jumin, wait.” You called after him. You had promised Jaehee to clear everything up with Jumin after the party but that was because you hadn’t expected to see him until then, but now was probably better than ever. Besides if you were going to be riding with him all the way to the party you were sure whether you’d be able to bare the tension between you two for that long.

 

He stopped shortly in his tracks after hearing you call out to him and turn to face you once again.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m sorry.” You didn’t let the words linger in your mouth to collect dust, you said it the same way you're supposed to rip off a band-aid. “I’ve owed you an apology for quite some time now and I’ve only continued to postpone it. I’m sorry I lashed out at you back at your office. You were only worried about me and I failed to see that back then. I’m really sorry.”

 

He let out a small chuckle.

 

_Why was he chuckling?_

 

“Thank you, Y/N but you already apologized to me last night.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“In your drunken state you ended up apologizing to me profusely but of course I wanted to hear it knowing you mean it in your sober state… however as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like to dwell on the past and to be honest I never held in resentment towards you for what happened in the office. How about we put that annoying situation behind us for once and for all?”

 

You nodded offering him a smile. You could feel the tension slowly dissipating from the room.

 

“Thank you and thank you for… uh, putting up with me last night. I was probably a handful, right? I’m sorry about that.”

 

“No, it’s nothing I wouldn’t do for a friend and to answer your question; no you weren’t. You were quite melancholy and quiet, it made that much easier to settle you down.”  

 

 _Quiet?_ That’s not what you expected to hear. _Melancholy, too?_

 

“Melancholy?” You asked. Faint memories began to vividly run through your mind like leaves scattered by the wind.

 

“Yes, I didn’t ask you anything I wouldn’t ask you if you weren’t sober. I just listened to your ramblings and from them, I concluded that Yoosung seems to be the cause behind it.” Jumin stated taking a seat at the foot of the bed. “Would you like to talk about that?”

 

“I’d rather not.” You replied honestly, beginning to remember the situation from the past day. “But I think it’s too obvious to keep denying it…” You knew what you wanted to say but couldn’t. “... I think I just lost my best-friend.”

 

“What makes you say that?” Jumin asked.

 

“Everything. Something happened yesterday, something that’s only complicated things between Yoosung and I. I use to believe that despite the problem I had I’d be able to continue with my life as if nothing if only he didn’t know about the problem, **my** problem but, but… after what happened yesterday my problem has become **our** problem. I used to know how I was supposed to continue on but now I only feel confused. I don’t know how to continue anymore because things won’t go back to being the same way they were before. M-Maybe our friendship was never meant to be.”  

 

“I don’t know what happened but you and Yoosung haven’t known each other that long however the friendship you two were able to construct in such short time is very strong and I know you two will be able to move past this. Friendships that strong don’t just disappear…” Jumin’s voice trailed off quietly as he continued to speak but after a few brief seconds it didn’t seem like he was talking to you anymore but more as if he were reminiscing. “To be honest, I envied the relationship between the two of you for quite some time.”

 

“You did?” You looked up at Jumin with slight surprise, his confession had caught you off guard out of all the words you could expect him to say you hadn’t expected those to be the ones that left his lips.

 

“Yes, I did. I envied how you two seemed to know each other and understand one another so well as if your minds were linked, how there didn’t seem to be any secrets between you and him and the ample trust the both of you had in one another. You always seemed to be looking out for each other and for a moment I wished that had been something I could have shared with Jihyun to this moment…” His eyes wandered elsewhere as he recalled distant memories. “Your friendship reminded me of mine and Jihyun’s from our youth, in _some_ aspects. Sadly, I can’t say it remains the same it use to be. Jihyun’s changed. Nevermind…” Jumin continued shaking off his thoughts. “It quickly became apparent to me that you and Yoosung’s relationship was unlike mine and V’s. Still, I’m sure you’ll be able to get past yesterday’s conflict. After all he cares about you just as much as you do for him.”  

 

“Do you think so?” You asked quietly, your mind traveling back to the exact moment he had decided to lean into you and your memory hazily recalling the feeling you’d felt when you saw his hickeys. “... Jumin? Do you think- do you think Yoosung would ever try to confuse me?”

 

“I’m not sure I understand the question.” Jumin responded looking back up at you. “What makes you ask that?”

 

“Nevermind, it was a stupid question.” But you were still as confused as you had been that moment. What had been his intentions? Was there a chance he felt the same as you or had he lost himself in the spark of the moment? Had it been his intention and what exactly were his intentions? You had always regarded Yoosung as a rather simple guy very transparent but at the moment he felt like more than an enigma than Jumin or Seven felt like when you’d first met them.

 

“Very well.” He sighed. “We should be getting ready now the party is only a few hours away, so I’ll leave you to your preparations. Someone will be up with your breakfast very soon.” Jumin stood up from the bed picking up Elizabeth that had managed to climb back on and making his way to the guest room’s door.

 

“Jumin, can I ask you a favor of you.” You asked before he could leave.

 

“Of course, what is it?”

 

“Today at the party after we’re done greeting guests can I hang around you for the rest of the party?”

 

“I don’t see why not, may I assume that it’s because of Yoosung?”

 

“Uh, Yes. I just don’t want to bump into him and make things awkward after all it’s a pretty important occasion and I don’t want to ruin it.”

 

He nodded silently turning to leave once again but stopping once more.

 

“And may I offer you some piece of advice?” He asked.

 

“Sure, anything.”

 

“You didn’t let me finish that day at the office before you stormed out, but you seem more self-aware now than you did then. What I was going to tell you back then was: You have to admit what you might not want to in order to truly accept it and move past it. I’m sure you understand what I’m talking about. Then, I’ll be leaving now.”

 

__________________________________

 

The ride to the party was a rather quiet one, not many words were exchanged between you and Jumin. At the most you asked him about how you had ended up at his home.

 

You had ended up at The Cove after what had happened with Yoosung, where you had proceeded to throw yourself a pity party with some drinks. You’d drunk way past the limit you should have and ended up entirely drunk, apparently the bartender had urged you to go home and get some rest but you continuously refused to until you got your money’s worth in service. The bartender was unable to do anything more to get you to go home and let you loiter the bar in your drunken state since you weren’t causing a commotion or anything to get you kicked out. You had sat at bartender’s counter quietly until your phone rang, according to Jumin you had picked up on his call but the bartender had swiped the phone from your hands and gave Jumin the address to the bar to go pick you up.

 

When he finally go there you hadn’t been able to recognize him at first and started chatting him up as if he were a stranger. He listened to your drunk ramblings; about how stupid you felt, about how you felt confused, about Yoosung even though you had never stated his name and continuously referred to him as ‘this guy’', and he continued to listen as you described the burning aching sensation which you felt

 

After awhile you began to recognize him and begun tearing up as you offered profuse apologies, eventually, Jumin was able to convince you to leave the bar with him and after that you blacked out in the car on your way to his penthouse.  

 

You were thankful to him for not leaving you alone but you still felt embarrassed about him having seen you in that state. You’d always felt that Zen’s protectiveness felt like that of an overprotective older brother’s and you had always regarded Jumin as more of a mentor figure but at the moment you felt Jumin’s worry for you also felt like that of an older brother’s.

 

You didn’t know whether he could sense the tension within you and as if not to aggravate you let you ride quietly to focus your thoughts or if he simply needed some rest before the party began. You might have gave away the state of your being by the way you wouldn’t stop fidgeting with the sleeves of your dress the whole ride there, either way you were thankful for the peace of the ride but in all honesty it felt more like the calm before the storm which only fueled the unsettling nerves at the pit of your stomach.

 

Jaehee and Seven had already been there when you arrived along with a few people from the media, then V followed by a wave of early coming guests, Zen wasn’t far behind V when he arrived. You didn’t have to log onto the messenger to know they all knew something was up with you and they all probably knew what it was but avoided bringing it up only receiving you with warm welcomes. Seven with warm light-hearted jokes, V and Jaehee with kind smiles and sweet greeting and of course, Zen being Zen didn’t really let you leave until he had doted over you like a worried mother and almost crushed your spine after squeezing the life out of you in a giant bear hug. It warmed your heart to see others were worried about you but it also filled you with guilt to know that you caused them distress.

 

Things began to pick up once the remaining guests began to arrive, the thoughts within your mind ceased to continue while you hurriedly went back and forth greeting guests, always only a few feet behind Jumin. After the swarm of guests had entered through the doors the situation began to calm down, Zen was left in charge of greeting the remaining few guests that had arrived late.

 

“Yoosung! You’re late!” You heard Zen’s exclaim from behind, involuntary you turned in his direction. “And this must be the girlfriend! What a cutie, nice to meet you.” But your eyes first traced over Min who stood next to Yoosung hand in hand as Zen decided to charmingly introduce himself. She looked perfect like a little doll fresh out her box.

 

Of course, you’d forgotten Min was supposed to come with him and he had actually brought her. Even after what had happened the past day but you had let slip your mind and now the reality stung. What were you expecting? She was the girlfriend after all and just because of the events taken place the previous day it wouldn’t change the facts.

 

What probably stung more was the realization that you had just given yourself false hope. It hadn’t meant anything to him…

 

_But what were you crying about? You hadn’t even kissed him, so there was no logic behind your anger._

 

Except he had tried to kiss you.

 

_Or…_

 

_Had you just imagined that?_

 

_Were you so blinded by your heartache that your mind had begun to become affected by it? Were they just delusions of your mind?_

 

These were thoughts of your mind, which battled back in forth in the state of your inner turmoil.

 

She really did suit him, they looked like the perfect couple standing hand in hand all dressed up.

 

As you decided to turn away from the sight and your thoughts, your eyes momentarily locked with Yoosung’s.

 

There was a brief second where both of you froze in place letting the world around you continue. They were seconds filled with tension to the last moment and they felt like the most decisive in your life. What would he do?

 

Go to you? Or watch you leave?

 

You wanted to leave, you knew the answer yet your mind seduced you into staying with a faint glimmer of hope that only convinced you to stay with sweet promises of dreams becoming reality.

 

**All cruel lies.**

 

Min looked up to Yoosung and he shifted his attention to her and with that the world around you began once again to speed up leaving you behind in the moment.

 

Quickly you turned away as if never having noticed him in the first place and attempted to continue on your way, only to be stopped by Jumin’s all knowing observative eyes. Eyes almost seeming catlike as he observed the result of the fleeting events.

 

“Come now, Y/N. There are guests waiting on the inside.” He placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder as he ushered you past the doors. The both of you walked away from the group at the door but you could feel eyes trained on your back, you didn’t dare turn back around.

 

 

_________________________

 

 

The party continued as planned, after V went up on stage to deliver a speech Min then ushered Yoosung to introduce her to everyone else. With that, you ended up straying away under the pretext that a guest had requested your company. After Yoosung had finished introducing Min, Jumin had gone back to fetch you.

 

For the rest of the time you remained by Jumin’s side, who sat with V chatting. At times you would be brought into the conversation but you ended up quieting yourself more and more until you were no longer part of the conversation.

 

And every now and then a guest would come along requesting a few words with one of the three. Eventually Rui requested to speak with V, leaving you and Jumin alone. After that you and Jumin conversed about the party and about V, and for a second you forgot about the problems you had yet to resolve. You found yourself slightly smiling, especially when you noticed Jumin chuckle at how Zen had lost his footing while trying to maneuver through the crowd and tripped over himself.

 

“Mr. Han? Some guests have requested to speak with you, clients of C&R. I presume it’s work related.” Jaehee interrupted.

 

“Very well, tell them it’d only be a few minutes. Y/N, can you excuse me for a few moments?” Jumin asked putting down his drink.

 

“Yeah, no problem.” You smiled at him understandingly as you watched him get up and follow Jaehee into the crowd of guests. The truth was you felt a little tension return once he left but you had to at least try not think about your problems on your own.

 

_I will not think about it._

 

_I will not think about it._

 

_I will not think about-_

 

Out of the corner of your eye you caught Yoosung disappearing into the crowd of guests fingers interlocked with Min. You’d seen them already on a few occasions together talking to one another or to guests but every time Jumin had been there to direct your attention elsewhere. Right now you could see the lovey-dovey vibes between them, it was written all over their eyes. It hurt.

 

_I’m fine._

 

_I’m  fine._

 

_I’m fine._

 

You repeated to yourself despite the little flame that had flickered on inside of you. The same thoughts played within your head on repeat:

 

_Why was he here with her?_

 

 _What_ **_had_ ** _happened yesterday?_

 

_Was this all in your head?_

 

_Did he know what he was doing or, was he completely unaware?_

 

_What was going through his mind?_

 

_You had to talk to him._

 

_You wanted answers._

 

Question after question after question. You weren’t finished asking yourself one question before another was waiting to be asked. You sat quietly at the table deep in thought, the questions continued as the cocktail in your hands swirled under the straw you stirred. People continued to pass by your table but all blank faces in your eyes as you were lost in your own pensiveness.

 

_You wanted to make sense of all this confusion._

 

_But would you ever get the courage to speak to him?_

 

_And if you did what would you say?_

 

_What would you tell him?_

 

_What could you ask him?_

 

_Would a confession leave your lips?_

 

_Or would you have to seal everything away permanently?_

 

_But you didn’t have the guts to go up to him, especially when he was with Min._

 

_And then, what about Min?_

 

_Did she know anything?_

 

_Had she noticed something?_

 

_Were you the only one in the gray with this whole situation?_

 

“Hey! What’s with the long face!?” You felt someone from behind place their hands on your shoulders shaking you playfully as if to snap you out of the toxic trance that were your thoughts.

 

“Huh?” You questioned looking up in their direction.

 

“Earth to Y/N~” Seven sang in a light voice pulling up a chair and sitting next to you. “What planet are you on?.”

 

“Oh, sorry! I just kind of lost myself in my own thoughts for a second there.” You explained quickly, running a hand through your hair.

“No, kidding!” Seven teased. “Actually… I was more worried about what kind of thoughts you were lost in.” He continued, his voice growing more serious. “Your face was getting pretty serious.”

 

“I-I was just thinking about…” Looking into his eyes you couldn’t really bring yourself to lie.“Stuff, just stuff. Dumb stuff but I’m fine, really. I guess I shouldn’t be thinking so hard about it.” Technically you weren’t lying.

 

“I know a fake smile when I see one. You’ve had one on all day…” You didn’t know whether Seven’s observation should have caught you off guard or not. On one hand you felt on the inside as if a half of you were caught in between scorching flames while the other half was breaking down slowly, the feeling was so terrible that you didn’t know if you were reflecting it externally but you were also trying to appear as normal as ever on the outside so it wouldn’t reflect. “So I won’t leave until I make you smile for reals.”

 

Either way there wasn’t any lying to Seven, next to Yoosung you’d spent the most time with him but for more than half of those times you two had been with Yoosung as well. Not to mention he’d been the first RFA member you met in person within your first few days of having joined the RFA. And with him being a secret agent you wouldn’t have been surprised to know if he was skilled enough to pick up on small cues to determine someone’s actual emotional state hence he’d be able to read you like a book whether you or he wanted to or not.

 

“That’s alright, Luciel. You don’t have to, I don’t want to contaminate you with my mood.” You replied with a tired smile.  

 

“You know if it makes you feel better I dropped my car keys in the toilet this morning while trying to dance to _Eye of The Tiger_.” Seven chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the sides as he did.

 

You let out a small laugh, it was all you could muster out. It was insincere but it was a grateful one as well.

 

“Not exactly the smile I was looking for but don’t strain yourself… it’s not good for you and it’ll only hurt you even more. You know if you need to take a breather at any moment there’s a room down the corridor and to the left, it’s empty and no non-RFA members are allowed so if you need some space you can always go there. I’ll even cover for you.” He offered sincerely.

 

“Thank You, Luciel. I really appreciate your noble gesture, it’s really kind of you.” You smiled gently patting the top of his hand, letting out a small sigh. “I might end up taking your word for it but not right now. I’m waiting for Jumin and it’d be rude if he got here and I weren’t here.”

 

“For you anytime, Y/N.” There was something about the way his sympathetic eyes looked down at you that told you something. Perhaps two different person’s suffering could not be compared but something told you that in a sense he knew what it felt like to hold in pain. “Besides all of this is possible because of you.”

 

A pain to which there was no other remedy but to let it fester on the inside until it rotted away what was in there.

 

“Nah, I’m only able to do this because of all of you guys and if it hadn’t been for your guys' persistence I wouldn’t have been able to make all these wonderful memories.”

 

“Yeah, maybe but you were the one who decided to stay with us even after everything that happened.”

 

“What can I say? All you guys earned a very special place in my heart, I would’ve been dumb to walk away.” You paused slightly thinking back to the day after your first RFA party.

 

The day after the party Seven had called you to tell you that everything had been settled and that you’d be able to leave not only Rika’s apartment but also the RFA if you so decided to, this had been communicated to him by V.

 

You had two choices, very simple: You could stay or you could leave. Any person sane of mind would have fled as soon as they had gotten the good news but you? You couldn’t imagine leaving them all as they once had been, with you here they all began to look forward to hosting the parties and you couldn’t bring yourself to take that away from them. The party the past day had been a big success but on top of that you remembered how happy everyone had seemed… especially, Yoosung.

 

You could remember that day like it was happening right now; the warmth he emitted when you two were first formally introduced in person, the bright stars in his eyes, his tender smile and the ecstatic little bounce in his step as he followed close behind you trying to help you with anything you might have needed help with. He had never left your side that night…

 

You now found yourself wishing you had believed in love at first sight back then, you never had. You’d always believed love was something that took time, patience, understanding and acceptance. Something that two people built upon with time and a mutual desire to be even closer.

 

Why couldn’t it have been love at first sight?

 

Why couldn’t you just have seen him and immediately felt something then and there?  

 

If that had happened, would the outcome have been different?

 

_Stop asking yourself senseless questions. You know the answer._

 

All games your mind created to torture your heart, games that took the form of an ‘ _if_ ’.  

 

However, now you found yourself wondering whether you had been better off leaving in the first place.

 

You certainly wouldn’t be the position you were in now. You would most likely be living your life the same way you had been up to the way you had before joining the RFA. Maybe that would’ve been for the best, for you though, not for them.

 

You didn’t regret joining the RFA but you found yourself entertaining the idea of having been more selfish.

 

“So… I was thinking…” Seven began, his voice bringing your attention once again to him. “It’s been a long day and we’re halfway through the party and I need a sidekick for this, so how about you help me pull a prank? Just a small itty-bitty one.”

 

“Luciel, what are you planning now?” V asked walking up from behind.

 

“Oh hey, V! I was just trying to cheer Y/N up. Did you need something?” Seven asked standing up.

 

“No, actually. I wanted to speak with Y/N as well.”

 

“You did?” You asked looking up at V. “Oh, in private or shall we right here?” You asked unsure whether you should get up or stayed seated.

 

“I think we can speak here just fine.” V replied with a warm smile, taking a seat where Jumin had once been seated.

 

“Uhm, I’ll go check and see if Jaehee or Zen need anything.” Seven stated as if detecting that V might have wanted some descrecity with you at the moment.

 

“Thank you, Luciel.” With that Seven turned around and walked away, easily disappearing into the sea of guests. “You did a magnificent job with this party, it brings me such joy to see you bring life to Rika’s work. I hope you’ve been well.”  

 

“Oh! Thanks but this is all the fruit of everyone’s labor and efforts.” You replied with a small smile, scooting more into your seat. “… and uh, Yeah. I’ve been great, couldn’t be doing better. The guest coordinating and everything it’s been getting easier and easier… and it makes me so happy to see that I’m doing something that can help others, it feels so rewarding.”

 

The last words were definitely truthful but they couldn’t have came out anymore forced. They felt so superficial and fake. How could you describe the feelings your own words inspired within you? The felt like an artificial flavoring, like a cheap piece of candy only created to imitate when the genuine sweetness of another type of candy could not be afforded.

 

“I’m glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself.” V offered a tender smile at your words and then continued. “I just want to thank you, again. I’ll never be able to finish thanking you.”

 

“Don’t sweat it. I should be thanking you for the opportunity, really. I never really saw myself as a party coordinator but I’m glad I stayed.”  

 

“There party is definitely impressive but I wanted to thank you for something else.” V interrupted.

 

“Oh, really? I don’t remember doing anything in particular? Did I do something?”

 

“Yes. You did. Actually, I hope you continue to do so… something I would have never been able to do myself.”

 

“I’m not sure I’m following. I’m not doing anything in specific that I know of.” Up to now, you hadn’t done anything at all other than your job as party coordinator.

 

“Please, just listen do this delusional rant from a blind man: Y/N, you’re very dear to this organization, with your arrival you brought positive changes with you. You’ve given them all hope, optimism, and enthusiasm. You’ve encouraged them in ways I was never able to. I only try to look out after them… but I’m afraid I’m only hurting them all in the process. I use to be afraid of what would happen to the RFA if one day I were to go missing but with you here, with them, I know that I’ll leave them in good hands.”

 

_Was he saying goodbye?_

 

“V? Is something going on that we should know about? Are you okay? Why are you telling me all of this so suddenly?” You asked, the way he was speaking anyone would think that.

 

“No. Don’t worry, Y/N. I still have yet to finish my penance on this earth for all the mistakes I’ve committed. I’m afraid I’ll be here for a bit longer. Please don’t think about what I’m saying too much, I’m only speaking from the heart. I’m sorry if I worried you.” He apologized.

 

“Oh, no. It just surprised me a little that you were bringing this up all of sudden, but I’m fine and I hope you are as well?” You asked the last part trying to look up into his eyes through his dark glasses, very well knowing he probably couldn’t see you.

 

“I was arrogant to believe I’d be able to manage everything alone. To believe I’d be able to heal them after the scars Rika’s departure left.” He continued where he had left off as if he hadn’t heard you. “Thank you so much, for healing them all. You’re curing them all slowly and that’s more than I could have ever wanted. You have such a kind heart. I look at you and you are succeeding where I have failed. I’m so thankful to you for choosing to stay with us despite everything that happened your first two weeks with us.”

 

“Thank you, V but I’m only treating the RFA members with the same kindness they’ve shown me. I’m not doing anything special. If anything you guys are too kind, you guys are over credit me…” You noticed the way he seemed to be thanking you for everything but not before blaming himself for all he had not been able to do. It was sad to hear, especially knowing he was trying too hard. “And V? I wasn’t here when everything happened at first with the RFA but… I think you’re blaming yourself way too much. You’re only human, despite all the things that have happened you also have the right to make mistakes. I know you might not want to tell us what-”

 

“Y/N. Thank you for trying to understand me, I really don’t deserve such kindness but I’m afraid you’re wrong… things are much more complicated than you may think if only you knew…” He stopped himself before he could go on any further and gave you a sorrowful smile. “Anyway, Please don’t ever underestimate yourself. You are very special.”

 

“Thank you, V. I’ll take your words to heart and only strive to do better.” You promised.

 

“Actually, I wanted to thank you in specifically for the attention you’ve been giving both Yoosung and Jumin. I think those are two are some of the ones I’ve hurt the most… Thank you for giving them both the company, the understanding and kindness I haven’t been able to. Since Rika left I’ve done nothing for their sakes. I’ve only managed to abandon both: I’ve grown further apart from my longtime friend leaving him alone and abandoned an already lonely boy broken by the death of one of the people he cherished the most.”

 

“V, sometimes we might not be able to help the things that happen no matter how much we may want to. Like I said you’re only human after all.”

 

“No, I knew exactly what I was doing… but I was too much of a coward to do anything for either of them. Anyway, I happened to notice there seemed to be tension between You and Jumin and Yoosung as well. I see things have cleared up between you and Jumin, though. I’m glad to see you two have made amends but things still seem to be strained between you and Yoosung.”

 

You looked up at him and sighed. At this point, you weren’t surprised that more people were coming forward and noticing it.

 

“Is it that obvious?” You asked, looking away from him.

 

“I don’t know what happened but I think I have pretty good idea. May I offer some advice?” He asked scooting in closer to you. “Talk to him. You can never hope to change anything at all if you don’t talk to him because unless you do you’ll be stuck in this unending cycle. At least this way both of you will be able to clear the air between you.”

 

“Thank you, V.”

 

“I know I’m the least indicated to say this but there are a lot of things that are being left unsaid that may only create more misunderstandings between you two.” You looked up at V but couldn’t find anything to say, what you wanted to say might come out sounding rude. _The only things being left unsaid are the things you hadn’t said, and you feared that it’d only end up breaking you completely apart from him._ “You know, I’m happy to see Yoosung’s found someone… and forgive me for saying this… but I believe he would have looked so much better with you. I believe Rika would have agreed as well, after all she always wanted the best for him.”

 

You let out a deep breath, you could feel the burning sensation burning down the heartstrings your mind used in order to play with it. V’s words were meant to sound kind but they were cutting deeper into your heart than any shard of glass or blade.

 

“Why don’t you go to him? Fix this misunderstanding between the both of you. I know it hurts right now but unless you do anything you can’t hope to change anything.”  

 

It hurt but _he was right_.

 

Unless you did anything, nothing would change.

 

You’d never be able to put this behind you and move on.

 

“How do you know this is all just a misunderstanding?” You asked V giving him a testing look.  

 

“... because I know what man’s eyes look like when he’s in love and I’ve seen love in Yoosung’s eyes before but that love isn’t Min’s.”  

 

“V… why are you telling me this?” He was giving your heart all the hopes it needed with his words alone, hope you had tried to kill on your own.  

“It’s obvious. There’s no greater pain than not being able to be with the one you love the most. I know that pain so well… and unfortunately you do as well but unlike me, you don’t deserve to.”

 

You couldn’t deny that to him, he knew very well what was going on and yet you wouldn’t admit it. Your mind began to entertain the lingering _if_ within it. Your heart didn’t want to listen to the _if_ but your mind was prescient in cramming it in. Hadn’t you been wrong enough already?

 

But…

 

What **_if_**  V was right?

 

What **_if_ ** you were wrong?

 

What **_if_** you did mean more to Yoosung?

 

What  ** _if_** that evening there had been love in his gaze as he held you?

 

Would you allow yourself to fly once again on an **_if_**?  

 

 ** _No_** , You couldn’t.

 

Maybe there was a misunderstanding.

 

And you definitely had to talk to Yoosung about it.

 

But you couldn’t think love was in his eyes right away. Love for you, especially.

 

You couldn’t allow yourself to walk on clouds at the thought that Yoosung could possibly feel the same. Besides this was just V’s conclusion from having probably observed you little over a handful of times together at parties, it didn’t mean he was right.

 

“I don’t know,” You thought out loud and then looked up to V once again. “where you go that from V but I’ll talk to him.” You nodded.

 

“I saw him before getting back near the stage’s steps speaking to some guests. He’s probably still there… you should never leave what’s for today for tomorrow. I’ll leave you to it. I hope you decide to talk to him.” V smiled once again getting up out of his seat. “Take care of yourself, Y/N. I hope you two can find happiness very soon.”

 

Without being able to get another word in you watched as he walked away.

 

**_He was right._ **

 

It was now or never and now was better than never.

 

_What exactly was going on between you two?_

 

You wanted an answer. You desperately needed one. You wouldn’t be able to live in peace until you got one.

 

You got up out of your seat and pushed it in slowly but not before asserting to yourself that you were **NOT** getting your hopes up, that you’d simply go talk to him.

 

 _What was meant to happen would happen_ , you told yourself.

 

Between deep breaths you walked yourself to where V had said he’d seen Yoosung. Slowly you merged into the crowd of guests, hands shaking and sweating cold at your sides. Your heartbeat threatening to burst out at any second. You didn’t recall ever being so nervous before.

 

You tried to convince yourself it would be a normal conversation between the both of you, yet you were still nervous. Then your legs automatically came to a sudden stop.

 

**Third strike.**

 

You were wrong yet again.

 

You didn’t even have to reach the stage or even speak to him to receive your answer.

 

There was your answer.

 

Right in front of you.

 

Lips consuming one another hungrily, almost rabidly, as if having been starved.

 

Fingers interlaced through blond locks of hair.

 

Hands holding another’s arms.

 

Small gasps and whimpers with every touch.

 

Two lovers off in a secluded corner of the party room hidden behind shadows and curtains… loving each other, while you had given into the seduction of your fantasies hopes.

 

But this time it hurt more. It downright stung.

 

Maybe because all the other times it had always been her kissing him but this time wasn’t like those other times. Right now he was kissing her. He was kissing her as if her lips held coveted oxygen which he’d been deprived of.

 

**_Sickening._ **

 

**_So sickening._ **

 

**You.**

 

 ** _You were sickening_**.

 

You and your poor stupidly hopeful heart.

 

You were going to ask him ' _What exactly is going on between us?'_ but now you knew that the only thing going on between you two was exactly what your mind had tricked you into believing.  

 

The burning sensation had always resided within you but for the first time you felt as if the fire was alive, scratch that you didn’t feel like you were on fire, you felt like you were the fire. You were going to burn to the point of self-destruction, you could feel it.

 

 _What was meant to happen would happen_ , that’s what you had told yourself… so was this what was meant to happen?

 

Was this your fate? Were you fated to this torture? Were you fated to always be the primary witness of their love for each other? This was the third time. The third damned time. Would you be doomed to the torture of having to watch their love from afar as those two professed their love to each other over and over.

 

And like the two previous times and attempted to walk away, leaving them to their love.

 

You couldn’t, though. This time it proved more difficult than the last two times. You felt the anxiety of the moment manifesting itself in your legs and weighing you down, it prohibited you from taking any further step. It felt like you were walking on quicksand; every step being heavier than the last. Suddenly the room appeared to become so crowded that you could hardly manage to walk through without bumping into someone else.

 

At the feeling of immobilization you became frustrated, you were trying to move but there was no progress. You were fed up with all of this, tears began to angrily run down the sides of your cheeks and once you felt the floor release your legs you didn’t waste any time in shooting out of the party room like a rocket. You ran towards the corridor and then down it as you remembered Seven’s offer of the empty room to the left.

 

How many more times would you have to catch them in the act?

 

How many more times would you have to walk away like this?

 

How many more times would you have to pretend to be happy?

 

No, you couldn’t keep pretending. It physically hurt to do so.

 

Three times were just too much, you wouldn’t be able to do it not even one more time.

 

You stormed into the room slamming both doors behind you, once in the room you clicked the locks. The glass on the door still vibrating and the curtains steadying after the slam.

 

A few seconds passed and you were still standing in front of the doors, eyes closed and unmoving with both hands on each of the door’s handles. When you finally opened your eyes you couldn’t contain it any longer and you began weeping.

 

Finally letting go of the both door’s handles you took a few steps back and let out a loud cry. This room was far from the room where the party was taking place and if distance wasn’t likely to hide your secret the music would. Anger, frustration, disillusion began to take over your emotions once again.

 

You were so angry with yourself you didn’t know what to do. You wanted to pull at your hair and drag your nails down your skin… anything to calm the burning sensation you’d stopped feeling and became. All you could see was red, as anger became infuriation.

 

Turning away from the door you were met with a heart shaped vase sitting at the desk in the room, two roses had grown tangled with one another… the symbolism almost mocking you as you stood there completely enraged with yourself. You couldn’t bare the sight any longer and without thinking you picked up the vase and slammed it as hard as you could against the closest wall. The heart shape vase broke into dozens of tiny little pieces but the roses still remained tangled with one another.

 

They were mocking you. As dumb as it sounded you know those flowers were mocking you, angrily picking them off the ground you plucked all the petals off of each before angrily pulling them apart. You could feel the thorns of the stem cutting and scratch at the inside of your hands but that didn’t stop you, you didn’t stop until the roses resembled the state in which your heart felt.

 

You looked down at your hands a few cuts and little to no blood trickled through the cuts, it looked painful but you couldn’t feel the pain that should have resulted.

 

You backed away from the remains of the vase and roses and let out another cry as you balled up your fists at the side of your head and continued to cry, leaning up against a corner of the room for support and then sinking down onto the ground. Your breathing becoming sporadic and unsteady, all you could do was take shaky breaths between cries in an attempt to steady your breaths but only obtaining the exact opposite.

 

You didn’t want to feel the pain anymore, was that being too selfish? Was it too selfish to ask for one little wish?

 

Wanting to rid yourself of heart-wrenching pain?

 

Wanting to be able to function the same way you always had before discovering such miserable agony?  

 

Wanting to rid yourself of that sense of patheticness that overcame you when you thought of how stupid you felt for letting a couple of emotions bully you into a state of despair which only seemed to be cured by forget.

 

Forget that tasted of alcohol; acidic, bitter, sour. A taste you could feel residing dormant in your heart and soul only be awakened by the sight of cheerful lovers sharing kisses of love and desire. And as they did a painful fire manifested itself within your veins that only managed to draw out tears of anger, frustration and jealousy.

 

Jealousy that made you see red. A red that made you brash and reckless.

 

Recklessness that made you feel pathetic and selfish.

 

Selfishness that made you ugly and ugliness that made you feel weak, small and insignificant.

 

Insignificance that made you revive feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. Inadequacy and inferiority that made you feel as if you weren’t enough, which as a result made you feel worthless.  

 

Worthlessness that in the end would not let you function, the way you had once.

 

One complicated emotion led to another. It was never ending and tortuous cycle of feelings.

 

They were all right.

 

All of them had told you.

 

And in the end they were all right to tell you what they had, yet you had ignored their warnings and now you were dealing with the consequences of ignoring their wise heeds.

 

They were right when they said that keeping everything bottled up wasn’t good for you. You’d kept all those raw emotions in for too long and now you had finally erupted,  you couldn’t control yourself at all.  

 

You tried to stop yourself from crying but you physically couldn’t. You felt like such a child… you couldn’t even stop crying.

 

_You're pathetic._

 

_You’re weak._

 

_You’re a fool._

 

_You’re insignificant._

 

_You’re not enough._

 

 

You were already all of those things and probably more, there was no need to keep holding back, not anymore. You didn’t have to hold back for him, he had Min. You didn’t have to hold back for the others, they all already knew how much of a piece of shit you felt. And you didn’t have to hold back for yourself anymore either, your pride was already through the ground and it couldn’t  possibly sink any lower.

 

You were at a dead end, feeling trapped. You didn’t have any other choices.

 

You curled up into a little ball in the corner of the dark room, hugging your knees close to your chest and cried. You cried like the child you felt you were.

 

With every teardrop that left your eye, the fire inside you began to die down.

 

One drop.

 

Two drops.

 

Three drops.

 

Until the fire was closer and closer to being completely gone.

 

_______________________________

 

How much time had passed since you had first came into the room?

 

You’d lost track a thousand tears ago. It could’ve been anywhere from a couple of minutes to a couple of hours. You weren’t sure but at this point you didn’t really care either.

 

You deserved to be selfish even if it was just a little, and you wanted this moment to yourself despite everything and everyone else.

 

It felt like hours had passed but you couldn’t be sure.

 

The large window behind you was covered with fancy heavy drapery which made the whole room extremely dark. It could have very well been still early into the afternoon or late into the evening but you wouldn’t have been able to tell because the drapes and curtains obstructed any kind of day light that could possibly enter the room.

 

And despite however much time could have passed you hadn’t stopped crying for a second.

 

At times your crying became so silent it was almost inaudible and at others it returned to the same volume it had been at the beginning. Your head and throat began to hurt from all the crying, you hadn’t remembered crying that much since you were a little kid.

 

**_Click._ **

 

You heard the door open and that momentarily distracted you from your weeping.  

 

_The door. You had locked it._

 

_Unless it hadn’t closed right._

 

A small ray of light shined in through the opening of the doors, blinding you partially, your eyes had yet to readjust back to the light.

 

“Y/N? Y/N, there you are!” You heard his footsteps run towards you, after the door was partially closed behind him. “I was so worried about you when I saw you run off like that.” You could feel him drop to his knees next to you and then you felt Zen’s arms wrap around you in a tight hug.

 

You felt terrible to let him see you like that but even after all the tears you had cried you still couldn’t stop. You let him hug you tightly as you continued to cry. A few cries left your lips and the tear drops continued.

 

One small tear dripped out of your eye and that was the one it took.

 

The fire went out with that small tear. The last flame went out with a quiet _Tssss_ but the tears continued even though the fire was now completely gone.  

 

“It’s okay, keep crying… cry it all out.” He reassured as he rubbed your back soothingly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t follow after you from the very beginning. One of the guests caught me before I had a chance to chase after you and wouldn’t let me go until I made the excuse that I had to use the restroom.” He chuckled gently. Your breathing was still unsteady as you cried into Zen’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Shhh. It’s going to be okay. I’m here for you.”

 

“What are you doing here Zen? You should just let me fester in my own misery. Go back to the party. I don’t want to ruin this day for you. Go.” You cried trying to push him to get up but he didn’t budge.

 

“I know this is a hard moment for you but you shouldn’t be going through this alone. It’s always good to have a shoulder to cry, and I’d be more than happy to be yours.” He replied with a small compassionate smile.

 

“Zen, please. I don’t want you guys to see me like this but I can’t keep hiding it.” You cried.

 

“Don’t worry, you’ll get over this… take this from someone who has experience with romances gone wrong. There are always other fish in the sea. You’ll find someone else.” He reassured gently stroking his fingers through your hair.

 

After that you continued to cry into his shoulder and once again you lost track of time, your breathing eventually steadied with the gentle strokes of his hands on your back and his equally gentle and encouraging words.

 

When you finally finished crying, Zen helped you up off the ground and stayed behind with you in the room continuing to talk to you to make you feel better. Eventually you began participating in the conversation as well, meaning Zen wanted you to talk out what you felt. Eventually the topic of Yoosung came up.

 

“So when you saw Min and Yoosung kissing back at his apartment you felt something burning painfully within you?” Zen had asked.

 

“Yes.” You had replied.

 

“You can’t stand to see him in her arms, can you?” Was another question Zen had asked.

 

“I can’t, it kills me.” You had responded.

 

As you continued to talk the truth came out, you never said it clearly or outwardly but everything else said it for you.

 

“So you’re in love with Yoosung?” Zen asked.

 

“Zen… what does it matter now? It’s all over. He’s happily in a relationship with Min.” You replied wryly.

 

“What does it matter!? It matters because it pains you to see them together! It’s hurting you!” Zen answered. You never noticed how easily excitable he was, you knew he really cared about you but you could tell he was getting frustrated for you.

 

“So?” You asked flatly. “He chose her. What do you want me to ruin his relationship just because I can’t have him? As long as I’m the only one hurting than that’s fine… at least he’s not.”

 

“No, but you have to at least tell him. Get it off your chest, you can’t simply live with something like that buried within your heart.” He argued.

 

“And what will that accomplish Zen?” You asked him tiredly, you just wanted to stop talking about this whole situation already. This wasn’t something you were used to and it flustered you to do it so openly.

 

“At least once you know his feelings you’ll be able to move on. I mean yeah, it’ll hurt and things will be weird for a while but in the long run it’ll be for the best. You’ll be able to move on, you honestly can’t continue like this or what? What are you going to do now every time we have an RFA party and Yoosung decides to bring his girlfriend over with him? Are you gonna lock yourself up in order to avoid hurting? Or are you going to keep avoiding him like you have all morning?”

 

“That won’t be necessary.” You replied quietly.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I’ve decided to give up on Yoosung. I won’t interfere in his relationship, she’s giving him the happiness I could never.” You crossed your arms looking away from Zen. The truth hurt even more coming out of your own lips.

 

“Listen, Y/N. I respect your decisions and in the end I won't intervene but you can’t honestly be able to believe that you’re capable of burying such strong feelings within your heart… especially when you’ll be seeing him as recently as you have to.”  Zen argued once again trying to make you look in his direction by coming closer to you and gently placing a hand on your arm, while looking up into your eyes.

 

“I’ll find away to make it work.” You responded pulling away from him and turning in the opposite direction.

 

“Stop being so stubborn. You can’t give up on him, you are in love with Yoosung!” It was so loud you were afraid people in the party room would hear it.  

 

But that should have been the last of your worries…

 

A bigger situation was now facing you.

 

“What did you say Zen?” Another’s voice interrupted.

 

The door had creaked open and neither you nor Zen had noticed until now, that you two were being interrupted. You slowly turned towards it.

 

You felt yourself visibly shrink before his eyes, you could feel a rush of blood from all over your body shoot to your neck where you found your pulse quickening as if you’d just ran a marathon and for a moment that’s all you could hear, your heart beating like a drum in your ears.

 

You could feel Yoosung’s wide-eyed stare shift from Zen to you.

 

“Y/N, is what Zen said true?” Yoosung asked stepping in closer into the dark room.

 

You looked up at Zen and his face had paled even more, it that was even physically possible as he looked down at you from where he stood.

 

Caught like a deer in the headlights, that’s how you felt. You were frozen in one spot not being able to move while your mind was going blank and you no idea what to say or do. You opened your mouth only to discover that it had gone as dry as sandpaper, no words were coming out and all you could do was stare back at him hoping he’d fade away and you’d wake up from what most likely was a nightmare.

 

You opened your mouth again but no words came out as you were going to push air out for the words, you felt a vibrating in your dresses pocket and quickly took that escape before anyone could stop you.

 

“Please, excuse me. I have to take this.” You were barely able to manage choking out that much before quickly hitting the accept call button. “Hello? Mom? What’s going on?”

 

“Y/N? Is it really time for a phone call right now?” Zen asked.

 

“Uhm, I’ll be right back. I have to take this.” You replied flusteredly without daring to look Yoosung in the eyes. You gripped the phone tightly to your ear walking quickly out of the room, leaving behind both Zen and Yoosung.

 

“What’s going on and why did you call me Mom? Wait, are you okay? I never saw you get back home.” Your friend asked on the other side of the line but you couldn’t talk right now you needed to know what to do next. You were still in a complete state of panic, walking down the corridor you ran into the ladies room. You just needed go somewhere they wouldn’t be able to come in.

 

“I’ll call you later.” You replied shortly, hanging up the phone as you leaned against the sink. Just a few seconds of peace that’s all you needed. You sat at the sinking clearing your head, there was no way you could go back there now and look Yoosung in the eyes but you would have to if you continued to stay at the party.

 

After minutes of going through the situation on end you finally came to your conclusion. You were going to be selfish and you were going to put yourself first. You weren’t going to wait for the party to end, you were leaving now.

 

But you were trapped, if you left the restrooms you could bump into another RFA member or guest and you’d be screwed. Looking out the window your idea came to you.

 

Without wasting another second you climbed up onto the toilets seat, the window above it was pretty small, you probably wouldn’t be able to fit through it easily but it was worth trying. You opened the window, stepped onto the toilet’s handle and tried pushing yourself through it.

 

The hinges and sharps edge hurt your sides, it was almost impossible to get through it but half of you was already out, you gave yourself a little push as you tried to edge out of once again and felt a slight tear at the dresses pocket despite it you kept edging yourself out until you felt yourself fall through the window face first.

 

You lay on the ground for a few seconds unmoving.

 

What were you going to do now? You hadn’t thought it through this far.

 

It’d be awhile before they began to notice you went missing. They’d probably coming looking for you. You couldn’t go home but you had nowhere else to go.

 

There really wasn’t time to think, you got up quickly almost falling back to the ground when a sharp pain struck your ankle. You must have messed up with the fall but there was no time to dote on it, you got back up carefully and hobbled past the back gates.

 

A faint feeling of deja vu tickled your brain as you did.

 

The exact same thing had happened the day before;  you had fled the party room, more truthfully you had fled from Yoosung and a day later, you were doing the same thing again.

 

Once you were finally out of the party building’s grounds you hailed the first cab you saw.

 

_‘Take a trip to where memories become unforgettable.’_

 

The add on the cab’s side door read.

 

_Trips._

_Memories._

 

Yeah, maybe that was it….

  
Maybe it was time you took a trip down memory lane…

 

 

 

 

_From ashes a fire can respark._

 

_But all fires must have an end and sooner or later they must come to an end._

  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay on this chapter, like I've mentioned I had a lot going on this week but I will try to keep updating on my usual schedule which was between 2 to 5 days. Hope this chapter was worth the wait! Where almost to the end, keep your eyes peeled for the two next last chapters.


	6. Two Flames of The Same Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story's can be confusing when only told from one perspective... 
> 
> Was everything what it seemed to be?

 

_What more is star than an astral object that burns like any other flame?_

  


 

Jaehee Kang: Alright, everything’s been taken care of here.

 

Jaehee Kang: The last personnel from the cleaning crew is about to leave.

 

ZEN: None of the guests or the servers saw her leave?

 

Jaehee Kang: No, unfortunately no one saw her disappear.

 

Jaehee Kang: But Luciel spoke to one of the custodians and they did notice something rather odd.

 

ZEN: What’d they say?

 

Jaehee Kang: Well, Apparently one of the women’s restrooms was locked from the inside, the strange thing is that no one was inside when they finally opened the door and they also discovered one of the window’s propped open and a piece of fabric that resembled Y/N’s dress stuck to one of the edges.

 

ZEN: NO WAY

 

ZEN: You don’t think she climbed out the window, do you?

 

Jaehee Kang: I don’t think she did.

 

Jaehee Kang: With all the evidence, I’m fairly certain she did.

 

Jaehee Kang: Anyway, Luciel is looking through the building’s security videos as we speak to ensure what happened.

 

ZEN: How about Yoosung?

 

ZEN: How’s he doing?

 

Jaehee Kang: After the last guest left he excused himself and left with Min.

 

ZEN: He left? I thought we all agreed he’d help you guys with cleanup while we looked.

 

Jaehee Kang: We did but he asked me and I allowed him to leave.

 

Jaehee Kang: I didn’t have the heart to hold him back, he looked very nervous.

 

Jaehee Kang: What an earth happened to make Y/N disappear mid-party?

 

ZEN: I feel like that’s something you should hear from her. I don’t think she’d want me talking about it

 

ZEN: She didn’t even want to talk about it herself.

 

Jaehee Kang: I have a very strong feeling telling me I’m already sure of what happened but you’re absolutely right. We should all allow her the chance to speak.

 

Jaehee Kang: I’m just worried for her, she left in such an abrupt manner. It’s very unlike her… did you happen to find anything?

 

ZEN: No, the first place I went was her place but when I got there she’d didn’t answer the door.

 

ZEN: She wasn’t home. One of her friends must have seen me and came out to tell me that Y/N hadn’t been home since yesterday when she left to help you with the preparations, weird isn’t it?  After that I circled a couple of the blocks near her home but nothing.

 

ZEN: Has the trustfund kid called you with any news?

 

Jaehee Kang: No, I’ve tried calling him as well but he hasn’t picked up any of his calls.

 

**_Yoosung Kim★ has entered the chatroom_ **

 

Yoosung Kim★: Has Y/N logged on? I just got back from her house and she’s not there, her friend told me she saw her leave with a backpack a couple of minutes before I got there.  

 

Yoosung Kim★: Do you guys have any clue to where she could have gone?

 

ZEN: No.

 

ZEN: You were at her home? How long ago?

 

Yoosung Kim★: I just got back, so about a few minutes ago?

 

ZEN: That explains it… she must have gotten there after I left.

 

Jaehee Kang: Yoosung, what about Min?

 

Yoosung Kim★: …

 

Yoosung Kim★:  That’s not important right now.  

 

Yoosung Kim★:  I just want to find Y/N first.

 

Jaehee Kang: I understand your worry but it’s probably best if you leave this to us instead. I sense you and Y/N are not on best terms right now…

 

Jaehee Kang:  and I fear that if you go looking for her it might only aggravate her and the situation even more.

 

Yoosung Kim★:  Are you saying I shouldn’t try to fix things between Y/N and I?

 

Jaehee Kang: You’re misunderstanding me, that’s not what I meant.

 

Jaehee Kang: You should try to fix whatever problems are between you and Y/N but right now might not be the best time.

 

Yoosung Kim★:  I don’t think the same.

 

Yoosung Kim★: I feel that the more time passes the more complicated it’ll be to fix our problems.

 

Yoosung Kim★: I just need to talk to her...

 

Yoosung Kim★:  I need to know the truth.

 

ZEN: Yeah, I kind of agree with Yoosung on this one.

 

ZEN: The faster this situation is resolved the better, for the both of them.

 

_**Jumin Han has entered the chatroom** _

 

Jaehee Kang: I understand why you feel that way, but I’m just worried that Y/N might not be in the best emotional state to deal with more.

 

Jumin Han: I agree with Assistant Kang.

 

Jumin Han: Y/N was going through very complex emotions and thoughts before arriving at the party and the odds are that she might be too tired to handle even more, right now. It’s best to let her rest.

 

Jumin Han: However, I partially agree with Zen. Ideally it would be in both’s best interest to solve the lingering matter as soon as possible but for Y/N it’s a matter that should also be approached with delicacy.

 

ZEN: Since when are you capable of understanding basic human emotions?

 

Jumin Han: I’m not speaking on Y/N’s behalf, but I believe that for her having to deal with the problem is as irritating as it is for Yoosung to avoid it.

 

Yoosung Kim★: …

 

Yoosung Kim★:  Did you find anything, Jumin?

 

Jumin Han: No, I went to the place in which I found her last night and they haven’t seen sight of her since last night.

 

Yoosung Kim★:  Where you found her last night?

 

ZEN: What do you mean where you found her last night?

  

Jumin Han: She probably wouldn’t want me to talk about this so I won’t go into detail.

 

ZEN: Where’d you find her?

 

Jumin Han: The Cove.

 

ZEN: A bar?

 

ZEN: That’s a bar.

 

Jaehee Kang: What was she doing at a bar?

 

Jumin Han: She probably wouldn’t want me to talk about it but I suppose you could come up with your own conclusion, after all what else does one do at a bar?

 

Jumin Han: Anyway, She didn’t seem well and I ended up having to bring her with me to my penthouse.

 

ZEN: So you just kept her the night at your place!?

 

Jumin Han: Yes. What else was I supposed to do? She wasn’t able to take care of herself the state she was in.

 

Jaehee Kang: Of course, that would explain why you to arrived together to the party.

 

ZEN: Still…

 

_**707 has entered the chatroom** _

 

Yoosung Kim★:  …

 

Yoosung Kim★: Seven, did you find anything on the building’s footage?

 

707: YEAH!

 

707:  but that doesn’t matter anymore!

 

ZEN: What do you mean? Did you find Y/N instead?

 

707: No, but she turned on her phone again.

 

707: At first I tried tracking her phone’s location

 

707: but since she had it off I wasn’t able to

 

707: Now that it’s on I’ll be able to finally track her! ^3^

 

Yoosung Kim★: Where is she?

 

707: Oh, wait give me a second

 

707: The laptop I have with me just made a weird noise.

 

**_707 has left the chatroom_ **

 

Yoosung Kim★:  Finally…

 

Jaehee Kang: Are you going to try to talk to her?

 

Yoosung Kim★: Jaehee, I’m desperate… I just really need some answers from her.

 

Jumin Han: Please rethink any brash decisions on the chance that Seven were to find the location of her being, I now you are frustrated but imagine how she must feel. I would hate to see her flee again because she feels aggravated due to an ambush.

 

Yoosung Kim★: …

 

Yoosung Kim★: Jumin?

 

Yoosung Kim★: … Are you interested in Y/N?

 

Jumin Han: Hmm…

 

ZEN: !?

 

ZEN: Dude are you serious!?

 

Jumin Han: When I first started forming an opinion on her I was interested in her

 

Jumin Han: because I believed she would make a good asset to C&R given the results of her work for the organization.

 

Jumin Han: but if you are asking whether I am interested in her romantically...I don’t tend or like answering such questions.

 

Jumin Han: However, I would like to leave everything clear in order to avoid creating any further misunderstandings. I am interested in Y/N because she is dear to me in the way a friend is and I care about her well-being.

 

Jumin Han: Just that.

 

Yoosung Kim★: Really?

 

Jumin Han: I don’t see a reason for which I would have to lie.

 

Yoosung Kim★: Okay.

 

**_707 has entered the chatroom_ **

 

707: You guys I have good news and bad news.

 

Jaehee Kang: Did you find Y/N?

 

707: Yup!

 

Yoosung Kim★: Where is she!?

 

707: …

 

707: That’s the bad news.

 

ZEN: Well, don’t keep us in suspense dude, tell us! Is she okay!?

 

707: Y/N’s fine… but you guys can’t go see her under V’s orders.

 

Yoosung Kim★: V!? What do you mean?

 

Jumin Han: Why would that be the case?

 

707: The weird sound my laptop made was because it was one of the cameras that are hooked up to the CCTV in Rika’s apartment and it made a noise because someone went inside.

 

707: Y/N went back to Rika’s apartment. V hasn’t gotten the chance to move the stuff out of there like he’d been meaning to.

 

707: Which means no one’s allowed over there.

 

_**Yoosung Kim★ has left the chatroom** _

 

_________________________________

 

 

**Three weeks ago, the day of the date:**

 

 

 

“Will you stop? I’m sure she’s fine.”

 

“No, Y/N’s not the type to just leave like that unless there’s something **really** wrong.” You hadn’t called or messaged him to tell him whether you’d made it back home safely after leaving so abruptly. He’d been worried sick about you the moment he’d gotten back to Min and you were gone. So far she’d managed to calm him the rest of the day but Yoosung was still worried about you even after getting back home. Once he and Min had arrived back at his home he had checked the messenger to see whether you were okay but you had yet to make a presence on the messenger. No matter how much Min told him you were fine, he could help but to worry. “We should go after her.”

 

“Sweetie, I’m sure she’s fine. Y/N didn’t want to ruin our day so she decided to leave. You were like this all day, she would be even more upset if we went after her, let’s just enjoy the time we have left before the day ends.” Min tried taking a hold of Yoosung’s hand sweetly in hers.

 

“But she’s my friend and I have to be there for her when she needs me.” He pulled away from her not bothering to look over at her as he attempted to go back to the meal he was cooking

 

“And what about me? I’m your girlfriend, what happens when I need you?” Min’s voice came from behind as she tried redirecting Yoosung’s attention to her by placing a hand on his upper arm.

 

“You know I’m here for you, but she really needs me right now.” He continued to chop the vegetables not looking up at her.

 

“And I’m sure one of her other friends can deal with it, but I need you right now... with me to enjoy the day…” Min responded looking up at Yoosung who still seemed to be completely ignoring her. She was failing at getting his attentions. “And you seem to care more about her than you do about me.” Min continued her tone of voice becoming somewhat more hostile and annoyed as she backed away from him.

 

“She’s my best-friend obviously I care about her.” He hadn’t sensed her change in attitude and replied without realizing what her words could insinuate.

 

“Yes but that’s not the problem, the problem is that you seem to be giving her more attention than you do to me. What is she more special to you?” He’d have to understand the context of her words now, she was making it very obvious what she meant. She let out an irritated huff dropping herself down on a chair.

 

Yoosung stopped his cutting and stood still not turning to face her as he spoke.

 

“... You’re my girlfriend and she’s my best-friend, the one who encouraged me to ask you out.”

 

“Yeah but the way you treat her and talk about her anyone would assume that she’s the one you’re in love with!”

 

“Min, please. We had the same argument a few days ago over my geography classmate.” He tried, turning to face her but never leaving his spot.

 

“And I’m not wrong! She likes you. I know she does!” Min argued her voice raising.

 

“Min, she’s just my classmate and Y/N is just my best-friend. You’re my girlfriend.”

 

“I know she’s your ‘best-friend’ you don’t have to tell me that, but do you know that? Because you treat her a little too friendly sometimes. People that are just ‘friends’ don’t text that often or hang out that often.”

 

“Our friend Luciel hangs out with us too sometimes, so it’s not like we’re hanging out all the time alone.” He countered.

 

“I don’t care! I don’t like that you guys are always messaging each other. Stop texting with her as much and then I’ll believe you.”

 

“Min, I already told you she’s just my best-friend!” Yoosung’s voice almost boomed. Instantly silencing her. “And no one’s going to change that, I’m not going to leave her alone especially not in her time of need.” He asserted, quietly turning back to his task.

 

There was an uncertain amount of silence before Min decided to speak once more. Her tone of voice changed becoming more submissive and sweet.  

 

“... Fine. I’m sorry. You’re right. I over reacted again. I just can’t help it sometimes but you’re totally right. I trust you and I don’t have to worry about her.” Min accepted quietly. “I don’t know what came over me... Really! She obviously has her eyes set somewhere else. I mean that’s the whole reason she’s been so down as of lately, right?” She asked feigning innocence.

 

“Hmm?” He looked over his shoulder at her.

 

“Lovesickness,” Min stated clearly as she picked up the magazine that laid on Yoosung’s table and giving it a good look over. “Looking at it now, don’t you think they’d make a wonderful couple?” She asked facing the cover of the image towards him so that he could see. Jumin was on the cover. “It’d be a total Cinderella story…” Min coed dropping the magazine on the table with a smitten sigh. “Oh! How romantic. No wonder she’s so head over heels.”

 

“Mhmm.” Yoosung replied trying to shift his focus back to his previous task.

 

“But I wonder whether he loves her too? What do you think, do you think there’s any possibilities that there might being something going on between those two?” She asked once again giving the cover of the magazine a quick glance. Possibilities? More than he’d like to admit. He’d noticed before too. The two of you were so close, it was only a matter of time.

 

He had girlfriend and you would have a boyfriend.

 

He would watch you go off with him and start a new chapter in your life with him happily.

 

And as he’d watch you he’d have his girlfriend by his side to make him happy.

 

Except he didn’t love her and by her side he would never be able to know what love truly was.  

 

“I don’t know…” Yoosung mumbled, he tried focusing on his chopping but at this rate he’d lose a finger in the batch of cut vegetables. “Why are you asking me?”

 

“Well you're close to both of them aren’t you?” She asked from the table. “Surely you must have picked up on some of their tails. I mean it obvious she’s totally head over heals for him but Mr. Jumin Han doesn’t really seem like the type of person who would engage in a relationship with a commoner.”

 

“You really think Y/N has feelings for Jumin?” Yoosung asked glancing over his shoulder at Min, who was far to distracted with the magazine to notice his change in demeanor.  

 

“Why else would she be **_so_ ** upset over the misunderstanding between them? I mean you heard it from her yourself, she was like that all day because of the situation between them but can you blame her? He looks so serious and mature… and he’s just so handsome. Any girl would be the way she is if they lost their chance with someone like him.”

 

That was true ever since the day after your argument with Jumin your whole personality had changed. Your interactions, smiles and encouragements felt more forced. You seemed more tense and quiet. And he found that whenever he spoke to you after the situation between you and Jumin had taken place there was always a faint vibe of forlornness surrounding you.

 

**_You were in love with Jumin._ **

 

His hand clenched around the knife tightly as he continued to chop vegetables.

 

“Yeah… you’re right. He is mature and handsome any girl would want him…” His voice trailed off quietly as he let go of the knife and letting it fall quietly on the counter top.

 

_Why would you want someone like him when you could have someone like Jumin?_

 

Jumin was sophisticated.

 

Intelligent.

 

Rich.

 

Handsome.

 

Refined.

 

All the things he was not.

 

He was a gaming addict.

 

Probably still a kid in your eyes.

 

Always too close to flunking classes.

 

Just a broke college student without a job or anything that could ever come close to comparing to Jumin’s job.

 

Flawed. He was completely flawed.

 

_And after all you were an amazing person and he didn’t deserve you._

 

“Yoosungie! You’re not getting jealous are you?” Min’s high pitched giggle snapped him back to reality bringing the tidal waves of doubts to a jolting stop. “You know I only have eyes for you!” She sang into his neck as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “I would imagine that if they’re close something could happen between them but given the situation between them…” her voice trailed off as if she had just pieced two and two together. “You don’t think she tried confessing to him and he turned her down, do you?“

 

____________________________

 

Four days had passed by since the fateful day of the RFA party and you had gone without leaving any trace or say of where you were going. After scouring every corner and centimeter of the building no one found you.

 

Eventually it was decided that both Jumin and Zen would go out looking for you as soon as the party was declared over but Yoosung protested the idea.

 

This was something between you and him. He couldn’t let the others solve a problem that he had to. He was the one that had to speak to you and put things in order, but his protests were in vain.

 

Min was still at the party and he as the boyfriend had the obligation of staying by her side until the party’s end and of taking her home, one of the others had pointed out. If he could have he would have ended the party right then and there, the party being one of the organization's biggest seemed to go on forever. Every second felt like an hour to him and by the time the guests began to leave he was so anxious that he felt as if he didn’t restrain himself he’d push them all past the door. Yoosung’s self restraint didn’t last long, he didn’t necessarily push the guests out but once he’d bid farewell and thanked his fair share of guests he’d practically rocketed out of the building pulling Min close behind.

 

He’d dropped her off at her house and _almost_ left as soon as he’d gotten there but Min had pulled him back into staying. He insisted in having to leave but she only continue to cling onto him aloof of his anxious current state. The more he continued to insist in leaving the more clingy and upset she got, until she finally snapped.

 

This hadn’t been the first time. They’d gotten into fights before but all for different reasons but their fights had never really lasted long.  

 

As of lately they’d been arguing a lot more. They were more of a one-sided argument kind of fights. Min was the one usually doing all the arguing and even when Yoosung would get a few words in Min always ended up winning the arguments as he sat guiltily listening to her.

 

Once because Min wanted his attention while he’d been gaming and completely ignored her, according to her.

 

Another time when Min pulled the power on his computer while he’d been gaming.

 

Another when Yoosung hadn’t felt like going out to one of Min’s friends parties.

 

Those had been the reasons behind their first fights and Yoosung had convinced himself that he was the one that was the problem since he was the one that ‘caused’ the arguments and therefore would have to fix himself in order to make their relationship work. As a result he had ended up complying with her more often, letting her have her way and going out of his way to be romantic but everything felt forced in the end. He’d always known love took a lot of work and effort but was love suppose to take this much of a toll on you? Being with Min always left him drained of all energy and all romantic actions always felt terribly forced.  

 

Recently, however, Yoosung had begun to notice that he was not the only ‘problem’.

 

It all began when another one of his female classmates had gone up to him after class asking him to borrow a copy of the professor’s lesson plan. Min hadn’t been with him when his classmate had walked up to him but before he could hand her a copy of the lesson plan Min had popped out of nowhere and threatened her to leave Yoosung alone. That provoked their first fight that Yoosung had initiated. Min had taken it too far with her threats, eventually however the argument between the two came to an end when Min apologized to him planting small kisses along his jawline.

 

The next argument Yoosung had initiated had been after Min threw a jealousy fit over how he had been worrying over you. That had happened a few days after you had ditched him and Min at the mall. She began to request through pouts that he stopped talking to you but he flat out rejected her requests and when she only continued to dwell upon the subject it became an argument between the two that Min eventually ended it with sweet words and apologies.

 

In the end however, he had ended up avoiding you not because of the argument he had with Min but because of what Min had said afterwards concerning you and Jumin.

 

The last fight they’d had was when Min had hung up on Jaehee and thrown a jealousy fit over her calling Yoosung.

 

It hadn’t been a pretty conversation between the two the only way Min had managed to sweep the problem under the rug had been by using sweet and seducing kisses to get Yoosung to forget what they had been arguing about in the first place. Some kisses lingering on his lips while others trailed to his neck, only when he managed to break out of the trance he had been put under did he manage to run out of the room and run towards the party building already late.

 

As much as Yoosung hated to admit it he hated himself more for not realizing that he and Min were just not compatible from the very beginning. Both’s flaws were far more visible in the others eyes than the good qualities.

 

Yoosung had gone into the relationship loveless, he believed that with time he’d be able to rediscover the feelings he had once held for Min.

 

But Min had changed. She’d become very clingy and possessive, whenever another person mainly female that wasn’t her neared him she would through a jealousy fit. She was capricious and set in always having her way. Maybe he’d glorified her, putting her on a pedestal back then and blinded himself into thinking that he knew her but whatever the case had been it was obvious that the feeling was mutual.

 

They were both in a loveless relationship.

 

And after the party they argued because Yoosung seemed so eager to get rid of her and go out looking for some other girl, as Min had accused.

 

**_She wasn’t wrong._ **

 

He was eager to leave her so that he could got out looking for you... but it hadn’t been with ulterior motives in mind, up to that point he still had no clue of what he was going to do once he had you face to face.

 

But admittedly he had to accept that he’d messed up.

 

**_He should have never asked Min out._ **

 

He hadn’t felt anything genuine towards Min since his adolescence.  He was only lying to himself telling himself that if he tried hard enough he’d feel the same infatuation he had once felt for her. And indeed it had been just that, infatuation. Infatuation that could never compare to love, more specifically the love he’d felt for you since the beginning.

 

The argument was taking some ugly turns, they were going places they’d never gone before in their arguments.

 

Usually their fights never got past being just arguments, but as the events unfolded and the two went back and forth. Min started to become more and more irritable. Every time she spoke her voice kept getting louder and louder. Their arguments always ended up with both of them sharing a reconciling kiss or one of them apologizing to the other but that didn’t seem like it’d be the case this time around. The argument only kept getting louder until Yoosung finally said it.

 

“Fine, it that case let me save you the trouble… we’re over.” He hadn’t planned on doing what he did but at the time that moment the words had just left his mouth without further thought.

 

Once the words were out in the air there was a sudden eerie silence throughout the room he hadn’t thought his words out but the more he thought about it the quicker it dawned on him that when he finally had you face to face he didn’t want anything on his part stopping him from pursuing you if you two actually shared the same feelings.

 

“Wait, what!? You’re dumping me?” She asked looking up at him outraged. She’d been avoiding looking at him throughout the whole fight but his words had finally brought to him her attention.

 

“... Yes, I don’t think either of us thought this relationship through.” Yoosung replied quietly.

 

“What!? You’re the one who asked me out!” She argued stepping towards him.

 

“I know… I know and I’m sorry but I probably shouldn’t have. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. I’m really sorry.” Yoosung tried his voice softening as he felt a twist of regret at how bluntly he had said it. Now he was the one avoiding her gaze guiltily.

 

“What are you talking about? Did you ever even really like me!?” She yelled at him roughly trying to pull his attention back to her.

 

“I- I did at one point but that was really long ago… I guess I just thought that if I kept being around you I’d eventually feel what I use to, but…” He trailed off he didn’t want to tell her that much but his words were spewing out of his mouth without any guidance from his brain.

 

“But? But what!?”

 

“But… I was wrong. I’m really sorry-”

 

“How long ago did you stop loving me?”

 

“Min…” _Why was this so difficult?_ He didn’t want to tell her but he felt that he owed her at least that bit of honesty.

 

“How long ago!?” She asked angrily.

 

“... B-Before we even started dating. I liked you back in Middle school and then for some time in High School but it wasn’t love and it just... kind of wore off.” He answered. “I’m sorry… I hope you can find someone else-”

 

“What the hell were you doing with me then!? No! You know what? No! I don’t care anymore, you’re not worth it! No! You’re not dumping me because I’m dumping you! Get out of my house!” Min yelled pushing Yoosung to the door.

 

“Min, please. It wasn’t my intention-”

 

“Shut up! I don’t care what your intentions were! I never want to see you again in my life! So when whatever whore you’re chasing after gets bored of you don’t come running back to me because I won’t want you either!” She stood in front of him screaming at him until she was done and then swiftly turned back inside slamming the door loudly in his face.

 

It was true Yoosung had intended to end their relationship but he never wanted it to have been like that. He was concerned for Min, but he knew she needed to cool down before he could try to talk to her again and knowing Min she would hold onto her grudge towards him and avoid him at all costs. He could feel a few tears welling up in his eyes. The break-up did cause him pain, she had been his first girlfriend and despite not having loved her he would have wanted to have ended things on better terms but it was too late for regret. There was no changing the past, only the future and Min was in his past now and you were the future he would follow relentlessly from then on.

 

The day in which you had disappeared you hadn’t logged on all day or answered anyone’s calls or replied to anyone’s texts. The next day the same thing happened. You didn’t log on or turn on your cellphone. The only way the others had of knowing you were okay was through Seven who kept a watchful eye on you through the CCTV like he had once before.

 

On the third day you finally logged on to the messenger.  

 

The two days in which you had been absent on the messenger you hadn’t picked up your calls or answered any texts. Not his, Jaehee’s, Seven’s and surprisingly neither Zen’s or Jumin’s. It was obvious you wanted to be alone but it was even more obvious to the others how much Yoosung wanted to speak to you.

 

Throughout those two days Yoosung couldn’t think, eat or sleep. It’d only been two days but he began to worry that he’d never be able to clear things up with you. Many questions and thoughts filled his mind, endless thoughts of you.

 

Like…

 

Whether you actually had feelings for him.

 

He had always hoped he’d be lucky enough to have someone like you even look in his direction. You were an angel in his eyes, everything you did and everything you were was perfect to him.

 

It’s not like he hadn’t noticed how much you favored him compared to anyone else in the RFA but he always thought that’d been because the both of you were best-friends.

 

 _How could he have been so stupid!?_ He felt like ramming his head against a wall.

 

He knew what he felt for you but had always doubted your feelings because of his feeling of inadequacy. That’s why he’d felt so jealous when he saw you and Jumin becoming closer.

 

_Because Jumin was so much better than him._

 

He tried to brush off the feelings, after all you had the right to form the same close bonds with the others that he already had… but you were becoming too close to Jumin.

 

He felt like you weren’t looking at only him anymore. Your attention was shifting…

 

He wanted to be the only one to have that kind of relationship with you. He didn’t want you to treat Jumin the way you treated him because he’d always felt special being the one to receive the most of your kindness. The kind of kindness that you reserved for him and only him.

 

Fear and worry began to fog his mind.

 

_You weren’t logging on to the messenger to talk to him anymore… You were logging on to the messenger to chat with Jumin._

Whenever he saw you and Jumin were logged onto the chatroom at the same time he wanted to turn his phone off and leave but he couldn’t…  he didn’t want to risk losing more of your attention. So he would log on to find the both of you chatting very comfortably, he’d scroll up just a little to see what’d he missed only to find that Jumin had made an odd joke that for some reason made you laugh. Imagining your laugh, the one he adored so much and that he had always felt his, and know that Jumin was the reason behind it made him feel unpleasant feelings.

 

An irritable itching sensation would run through his chest, he would find himself gripping onto the nearest pillow to him at the moment of the sensation, only to find that the world had become a distinct shade of green in that very moment.

 

Green… the color of jealousy.

 

Jealousy, a green eyed monster. A monster that would perch on his shoulder and sing to his ear how he would never be good enough.

 

He became jealous believing that Jumin was now your new reason for logging on to the messenger.

 

He shouldn’t have been jealous, after all he should have guessed that he wouldn’t be the only person in the world that would want your attention.

 

But… Jumin.

 

Knowing that it was Jumin or could have been Zen made him feel worse.

 

Maybe if it had been anyone else he might have seen a fighting chance but he didn’t see anyway he could possibly stand a chance against one or the other for you attention.

 

Zen’s looks far exceeded his own, Jumin’s as well.

 

Zen already knew what he wanted to do with his life and had such a firey passion for his job, so much that it was admirable.

 

And Jumin all the wealth in the world to give you everything you deserved.

 

What did he have to offer? How could he begin to compare?

 

Up until he had met you he had lost all motivation to actually follow through with his goals and when he met you, you had returned it to him. But when he felt you closering to Jumin he felt all that motivation you’d given him  fading away as he futilely tried to retain even the slightest amount within the grasps of his fingers.

 

_Money._

 

_Looks._

 

_Stability._

 

_Passion._

 

All things he felt he lacked.

 

Of course, it wasn’t as if no other girl would want him, a fair share had asked him out. Maybe he’d met all their standards but he didn’t care about that. He didn’t care whether he was good enough for someone else, he just wanted to be good enough for you.

 

And he clearly wasn’t. And it hurt.

 

He could never be good enough for you because he felt so little without you.

 

By your side he felt like he could take on the world with his own bare hands, he felt as if he had been everything. As if he were flying or soaring through clouds. He felt things that not even in dreams he could conjure up, things you couldn’t read off a romance novel but only experience for yourself… those special feelings only you knew how to provoke in him.

 

But once your eyes shifted from him elsewhere he felt as if the ray of light guiding him through a storm had disappeared. He felt like he was falling helplessly through a cold and dark abyss with no means of controlling the rate at which he was falling. All he could do was watch as his ray of light seeked another to guide and that made him feel so little and worthless.

 

That’s why you had helped with Min, right?

 

Because you wanted him to be as happy with her as you’d someday be with Jumin, right?

 

You felt sorry for him, right?

 

You pitied him, right?

 

Maybe you’d never realized his feelings towards you, maybe you’d done it unintentionally but you’d helped him find someone else as an indication of your true feelings. You would never be able to see him as anything more than a friend. You had your eyes set somewhere else with someone far more better than him, so you helped him find someone else. That way he wouldn’t hurt when he saw you happy in the arms of another, right?

 

He’d always been your friend, at moments he thought there might have been something more between you two and immediately wished it’d been so but he could never be sure and he didn’t want to ruin things between you both so he kept quite for your sake.

 

He’d told you about Min before you’d begun speaking with Jumin.

 

Yoosung had asked you one Friday afternoon, the both of you had spent together about your past. Eventually the topic of crushes came up. He wanted to know more about what kind of guys you were into and whether he’d be able to fit the criteria not that he would tell you but you hadn’t answered his question, instead you dodged it and asked him for his retailings. He felt so comfortable around you that he hadn’t noticed when he had trailed off and ended up telling you that an old crush was in one of his current classes, immediately upon hearing that you had jokingly offered to help him out.

 

He would have felt hurt if he hadn’t thought you’d been just joking, every now and then you teasingly offered your help and jokingly he’d blow it off.

 

But it wasn’t until sometime after you’d begun to speak to Jumin that he began to believe you were being serious.

 

So the next time you offered to help him with Min, he unfortunately accepted.

 

He never expected you to back out of your word but seeing you so happily and willingly deliver on it made his heartache.

 

_He had never meant anything more to you._

 

He didn’t know what he had expected, but he had at least wanted to see that you were being affected by his shift in attention… even if it was just a little and then he’d know that he had at least a small place in your heart.

 

And no matter how small, just knowing that there was a place for him there he would have left Min before he’d be able to get any further with her.

But that didn’t happen.

 

You kept enthusiastically encouraging to pursue Min and so he did.

 

For you.

 

So that you believe he was happy.

 

And hey, maybe if he kept trying hard enough he would end up happy even if it wasn’t with you.

 

However the harder he tried the more wrong it felt.

 

Then came the day. The day he made it official with Min.

 

And he had never felt more repelled in his life. He never thought that kissing someone he didn’t love would feel that terrible. The sensation of the lips of a person you didn’t love, whilst loving someone else, on yours it felt gross. He could feel her hot saliva all over his mouth and he couldn’t help but to feel physically repelled… but he’d do it for you.

 

For you.

 

He kept repeating that to himself in his head while he pulled Min closer, his eyes tightly shut. He didn’t want to think about everything his first kiss wouldn’t be and about how he would never get that experience back. He would never know what it was like to kiss the person you most love for the first time… but it was all for you and he’d do it again if that’s what would make you happy.

 

For you.

 

At some point along the kiss, he was no longer focusing on how disgusted he felt by the kiss but instead his mind found consolation in thoughts of you.

 

Min began to fade away before him, while his thoughts brought you to him and at a certain point during the kiss he was no longer kissing Min but you instead.

 

He was in his own world dreaming of your lips while he kissed another girls.

 

And soon that’s how he found himself getting through every and all his kisses with Min.

 

With thought’s of you, it was the only way he could without feeling like he wanted to lurch all the contents of his stomach.

 

It was torture. Purely agonizing.

 

And later on every time Min would kiss, touch or hug him he found his mind immediately replaced Min with you

 

He thought he could keep it up as long as you seemed happy but after seeing how affected you had been by your argument with Jumin he couldn’t help to worry about you.

 

He wanted to run by your side to comfort you but he couldn’t.

 

After all he had a girlfriend now and you and Jumin would certainly resolve this together, right?

 

At night often he would ask himself whether he had done the right thing when he asked Min out and everytime he pondered the question he found himself regretting it even more. However seeing how heartbroken you were over Jumin, he knew that even if he ran to your side in attempt to comfort you he would not suffice because he was not the one you wanted so he would never be able to truly comfort you.

 

That’s why he had put up a barrier between the two of you in the messenger, that’s why he had stopped messaging you privately and calling you as often.

 

You must have liked Jumin a lot for the argument between the both of you to have affected you that much. Eventually the situation between you and Jumin began to improve but there was still strain between you two, everyone could feel it.  Whatever the argument had been about he didn’t want to stand in the way of the both of you because you two finally seemed like you would resolve everything that had been affecting you two. He’d only get in the way with his jealousy. He had to let you go… even as a friend because if he remained he’d only become greedy and ruin what could have been the beautiful memory of your friendship with a rash impulse.

 

A rash impulse like the one from that one afternoon.

 

That afternoon in which he’d gotten to the party room late to help with preparations.

 

He’d expected everyone to have gone by the time he got there but instead he’d found you.

 

And things changed between the both of you.

 

When he saw you crying, he didn’t know what came over him that without hesitation he ran to your side. Selfishly not caring about everything he had previously worried about ruining. He only cared about you in that instant.

 

He had never seen you like that before. It was obvious you were hurting far more than you had ever been and he would not abandon you. He would dry your tears and lend you his shoulder, even if it hurt him to see you in so much pain over someone else.

 

But you tried fleeing and he wasn’t going to allow it. He didn’t want you to keep pretending not even for one more second, he knew you’d been pretending and masking your pain for some time now desperate to put on a brave face for everyone else's sake. It hurt him to see you so adamant on suffering quietly and refusing his support when he was desperate to see you smile. He wanted to be your strength, just like you were his.  

 

At some point both of you ended up on the ground… you’d been so stubborn but he’d been more. He wouldn’t let you go until he knew you were okay.

 

Without realizing it though he ended up looking into your eyes…

 

And your eyes seemed to scream for him. He wanted to believe that so much.

 

You looked so pained and hurt at the moment all he wanted to do was hold you and tell you that he would help you through the pain. That he’d never leave your side.

 

He didn’t know when but the words left his mouth. He told you how much he cared about you and without being able to help himself his hand landed softly at the side of your gentle skin.

 

But there was something about the way you looked away timidly.

 

Something about the way you looked him in the eyes when he had pulled your attention back to him, almost as if you finally saw and understood his secret feelings for you with just one look.

 

Something about the way your neck and cheeks flushed a warm rosy pink when he ran his hand down the side of your face and gently touched your hair that enthralled him completely.

 

There was something about the way you reacted to his look, touch and words that sparked a little bit of hope within him and he dared to dream.

 

The way both your eyes had locked for that second before he found himself giving into his own temptations, temptations inspired by his desires. Desires of you… of your lips.

 

Your sweet and gentle looking lips. He desired the warmth and sensation he up to now had only dreamt of.

 

Then, with the way you looked down at his, he couldn’t help but to dream and allowed himself to move closer to you as you did to him…

 

But you had snapped him out of his daydream before he even had the chance to move even closer and left him abruptly with nothing more than a hasty excuse, visibly upset.

 

 _‘Idiot!_ ’ He blamed himself. He felt like hitting himself against a wall. What had he done? He’d messed up.

 

He’d called you and texted you but you’d dropped and ignored every single form of contact he had made. You were avoiding him.

 

He had been such an idiot. The whole entire night he couldn’t allow himself to sleep thinking about what would come the next day. He was nervous and in distress, how would he fix it?

 

What had happened between the both of you?

 

Was there a chance the both of you actually felt the same? He wanted to know.

 

That morning Min had shown up prim and dressed ready for the party.

 

He wouldn’t keep her from coming, he had promised to bring her but he knew that when they got back from the party he would have to talk with her because things weren’t back to normal as he attempted to convey, especially not after what had happened between you and him the other day.

 

The whole way to the party he latched onto the idea that you could possibly reciprocate his feelings and he was determined to speak with you to sort the problem out and find out the truth but there was always the little voice in his mind feeding him doubt.

 

And then he got the party with Min and he immediately saw you but you didn’t see him, you were too busy looking Min over with a look of hurt and as you began to look away your sight and his crossed paths. There was a brief second where he froze in place he wanted to walk up to you but wouldn’t it have been too soon he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable and as he debated his look never leaving yours, Min’s voice urged his attention back to her and you began to walk away.

 

He wanted to go after you and maybe he would have if he hadn’t seen Jumin waiting ahead of you.

 

Jumin said something to you and you replied briefly while his hand touched your shoulder as he guided you into the party room. As Yoosung watched Jumin guide you away he felt something itch within his chest and forced himself to look back at Min letting you leave with Jumin the way you probably wanted to. What had almost happened between the two of you the previous day, had you done that because you pitied him? Was he that pathetic to you? Had you been his friend all this time and offered him all that special attention out of sorry?

 

Tears threatened to brim in his eyes if he didn’t stop himself from thinking about you, but how would he?

 

Throughout the entire party you had never left Jumin’s side once and whenever he saw you two together he only felt worse, he could guess that by the way the two of you stuck together never leaving the others side that the two of you had finally made up and he was happy for you but that sight was double sided and also it brought him pain.

 

The more he saw you together the more desperate he was to forget about you.

 

And at one point it had occurred to him that he had used the memory of you to forget about Min and the reality before him, so what if he used Min and reality to forget about the memory of you?

 

_Of course, you know what transpired after that._

 

_______________________________

 

 **_“..._ ** **_You can’t give up on him, you are in love with Yoosung!”_ ** The words Zen had yelled at you echoed endlessly in his mind over and over like a broken record.

 

Did you love him?

 

But you never confirmed it… and when he asked Zen for reassurance, Zen refused to answer his question stating that it was something he would have to hear from you and only you.

 

You had fled though and his question remained.

 

As more days passed he began to doubt.

 

Afterall what basis did Zen have to make that kind of claim? Up to now he didn’t know, Zen could have been guessing for all he knew.

 

Had you fled out of embarrassment or had you fled because you didn’t want to turn him down? Were you giving up on your friendship because things had become too awkward?

 

What if you really didn’t love him?

 

On the third day after the party you had finally logged onto the messenger, unfortunately for Yoosung you avoided and dodged all sorts of forms of contact he tried to make.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**_Y/N has entered the chatroom_ **

 

 

Y/N: Hey guys!

 

Jaehee Kang: Y/N!

 

ZEN: OMG Y/N, what happened are you okay?

 

707: You finally logged on~!

 

Y/N: Yeah…  I’m sorry about having disappeared without saying anything.

 

Y/N: I was just feeling sick, I guess it was probably some allergies or something. I know it was completely irresponsible of me and I know it was wrong. I don’t expect forgiveness for my incredibly selfish act…  

 

Y/N: I just logged on to let you guys know that I’m… doing fine. I know it’s a few days too late and I’m sorry if I worried you guys. I promise it won’t happen again.

 

Jaehee Kang: Are you feeling better?

 

Y/N: Totally! ^^  

 

707: Y/N, you went back to Rika’s apartment.

 

Y/N: Yeah… I was feeling nolgastic and wanted some time off.

 

ZEN: This is because of Yoosung right?

 

Y/N: …

 

ZEN: You should talk to him!

 

Y/N: So have you guys eaten yet?

 

707: Way to dodge the question lol

 

Jaehee Kang: I understand we all want this situation resolved but let's please not pressure her.

 

Jaehee Kang: Y/N, I understand you’re back at Rika’s apartment, when are you planning on returning to your home?

 

Y/N: I dunno… a couple of days.

 

Jaehee Kang: And are you really okay?

 

Y/N: I’m totally fine lol

 

707: Oh really~?

 

707: Why are you in crutches then? I saw you on the CCTV.

 

Y/N: Oh, that~? Just a little sprain, nothing to worry about ^^;

 

ZEN: You sprained your ankle!?

 

ZEN: How!?

 

Y/N: Doing something dumb lol

 

Y/N: I just need to rest it.

 

707: Something dumb, like climbing out a window~?

 

Y/N: Pffft, no lol

 

Y/N: Why would I have to climb out a window?

 

707: I know why but why don’t you tell me?

 

Y/N: lolololol I have no idea what you’re talking about

 

Jaehee Kang: Seven, please stop. She’ll tell us when she feels apt to.

 

ZEN: That’s the thing. Y/N’s too stubborn when will she feel like talking about it?

 

Y/N: So… I had a tuna sandwich and chips for lunch in case anyone was wondering.

 

ZEN: Y/N, please. I know you don’t want to talk about it but Yoosung’s been crazy desperate to talk to you.

 

ZEN: You should hear what he has to say

 

**_Yoosung Kim★ has entered the chatroom_ **

 

Yoosung Kim★: Y/N!!!

 

ZEN: Finally you both can work this out.

 

707: Ohhh~ this is gonna get good.

 

707: Should I get some popcorn?

 

ZEN: Knock it off, Seven!

 

ZEN: This is really serious for the both of them.

 

Y/N: I just forgot I left some tea brewing, so…

 

Y/N: I should see how that’s going.

 

Yoosung Kim★: Y/N, wait! We need to talk about everything that’s happened.

 

ZEN: Come on, just let him talk!

 

707: Awwww, no fun!

 

Jaehee Kang: Y/N, wait.

 

Y/N: What is it, Jaehee?

 

Yoosung Kim★: Y/N!!! Why are you ignoring me!? We have to clearupsome misunderstandings ifthere are any

 

Jaehee Kang: … will you be signing on just as usual now?

 

Y/N: Yup totally! ^^

 

Jaehee Kang: Y/N I don’t want to interfere but maybe it is time you speak with Yoosung.

 

Y/N: Bye-bye~!

 

**_Y/N has left the chatroom_ **

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sometimes you’d stay logged on and pretend he wasn’t there and other’s you’d log off as soon as you saw him come in. You were still ignoring his calls and texts along with everyone else's. Jumin and Jaehee had reported that you’d picked up on their calls on a few occasions but aside from them not even Seven who would call the apartment’s landline had a way of getting in touch with you.

 

You were continuing to avoid him and he was lost.

 

Why were you?

 

What was your main reason for doing so?

 

He wanted answer, that only you could give him. If it hadn’t been because you were at Rika’s he would have gone out to look for you by now.

 

 _I just wish she’d talk to me…_ He lost nothing by wishing. Quietly putting his phone down after having waited for you on the messenger.

 

Just as he closed his eyes resting his head on his arms, his phone rang.

 

His eyes opened quickly and he reached for his phone, had his wish worked?

 

The name on the contact ID read Seven and Yoosung was reluctant to answer the call after all he didn’t feel in the mood for Seven’s usual games and jokes but he answered nonetheless.

 

“Seven?” Yoosung asked.

 

“You picked up. I thought you’d be too busy sulking over Y/N.” Seven sang into the phone.

 

“What do you want?” Yoosung sighed.

 

“To help you. You wanna talk to Y/N, right?” Seven asked.

 

“Yes, more than anything! Are you going to give me the address to the apartment?” He asked eagerly into the phone full of the energy that just seconds ago he seemed to lack.

 

“Nope, I can’t tell you the address but I got another thing planned and it’s foolproof~!”

 

“A plan? This isn’t another joke, is it?”

 

“No, I guarantee you this plan has a 707 percent chance of working out of 100.”

 

“Really!? You’ll help me!?”

 

“Absolutely. At first it was kind of funny to see all the romantic tension between you and Y/N but then you started dating and things got weird between you two and it just got hard to watch after that. So I the defender of justice, the all mighty 707 will help you two poor confused lovestruck kiddies find the truth and hopefully happiness!”

 

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you, Seven! I won’t ever be able to thank you enough!” Yoosung smiled holding his phone excitedly to his ear.  “So what’s the plan?”

 

“Why my dear wittle Yoosung are you familiar with cheesy cliche romantic story tropes?” Seven asked smugly into the phone.

  
Yoosung couldn’t see him but he could almost feel the glint of Seven’s glasses as the cogs in Seven’s head turned while it came up with the master plan that would finally get him to you.

 

 

 

_It is often said that after a fire ends it's cycle with it brings new starts..._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapters tardiness I know it's been long overdue but do to many factors beyond my control I was unable to actually finish writing this chapter. We have one last chapter to go so enjoy and keep your eyes peeled for the last chapter! Thank you all for your support it has meant so much! ^^


	7. Two Flames Kindled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it a matter of if or when?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I'm not dead! 
> 
> Alright guys, I've kept you all suffering long enough. Here's the last chapter, Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

While at Rika’s it had been as if your mind had been on autopilot the whole time there. You really couldn’t remember the time you’d spent there, it was like one giant blur, all you could recall was your first day there in which you had finally realized how bad you’d messed up your ankle when you’d finally sat down and saw the sickly purplish-green color it had turned and how swollen it was. Lucky for you a retired doctor lived a few doors down from Rika’s apartment and had seen you trudging into the apartment and offered to take a look at your ankle, she wrapped it up for you and later brought you some crutches she had in her storage.

 

Aside from the first day you had gotten to Rika’s apartment you also could remember your inability to eat, think or function, the restless nights, some of the phone calls from Jaehee and Jumin and how painfully embarrassed you felt whenever Yoosung happened to sign into the messenger while you were logged on. Sometime’s you pretend he wasn’t there and other’s you’d leave then and there without another word.

 

But now you felt as if you’d made the situation only worse. How were you supposed to look him in the eyes now, after having dodged and ignored him for nearly an entire week? Not that you would have been able to look him in the eyes before, you’d lost all ability to after Yoosung had heard the truth afternoon of the party.

 

You felt entirely childish about the way you were acting and while you were ashamed of your own behavior you couldn’t help it. Whenever you wanted to face the problem head on you’d scurry away from it before even being able to begin, it was a painfully embarrassing problem to deal with. Dealing with the situation felt like the equivalent of trying to hold onto a hot frying pan with your bare hands; whilst being determined to hold onto the hot pan your hands would unwillingly give out because the pain would be too much for bare hands to handle. But instead of pain it was more embarrassment than anything, there was still pain in there somewhere but the embarrassment by now had out measured your pain by a longshot. You knew you couldn’t avoid the inevitable, sooner or later you’d bump into Yoosung and there’d be no helping it.

 

On the day in which you went home you hadn’t told anyone. Despite not having told them, you expected that sooner or later Seven would tell them after all he must have seen you leaving with your stuff through the CCTV but surprisingly he hadn’t mentioned it to anyone on the messenger.  

 

It was too early to start feeling safe and you began to expect Yoosung to arrive at your home looking for an explanation, believing that Seven would have called or messaged him privately to give him the news… but he didn’t.

 

The rest of the day after getting back home you spent it with unease, expecting anyone of the RFA members but especially Yoosung to come knocking down your door. The sense felt so eerie, and filled you with a mix of anxiety and dread. Like the calm before a storm.. Around evening you had finally had enough, the suspense was killing you and you couldn’t take it.

 

You picked up your cellphone and dialed in Seven’s number.

 

There was one ring, and then another and then another and then another and then another and you began to think he was keeping you in suspense on purpose. If it hadn’t been for your crutches you would have ran all the way to his house and personally ask him but your sprained ankle kept you from doing so. You’d call him as many times as you had to but he would have to pick up sooner or later.

 

Before the final ring ended he finally picked up.

 

“Hellooooo?” He answered.

 

“What game are you playing, huh?” You asked.

 

“Woah! You know, usually people start with a hello.”

 

“I’m being serious. What game are you playing? Is this supposed to be payback for disappearing?” You asked anxiously.

 

“Why my dear Y/N, I have no idea what you mean.” He replied innocently, you could feel yourself growing tenser.

 

“I know you saw me leave through the CCTV today.”

 

“Oh, that!” You heard his voice reply as if he had just barely remembered.

 

“Yes, that! What’s the big deal, what are you planning? I thought you’d tell everyone by now I was home.”

 

“I wasn’t going to, do you want me to?” He asked with such genuine curiosity as if you would really give him another answer aside from the obvious one.

 

“No!” You cried. “Wait, what? Why?”

 

“Because God 707 is a merciful God that has taken pity on your poor soul~”

 

“I don’t believe you.  I feel like you’re scheming something, I can feel it in my blood.”

 

“Why would I have to be planning something? Why can’t you just believe that I’m letting you rest out of the goodness of my generous heart. After all we are friends and that’s what friends do, right?” He asked.

 

“Nope. I don’t buy it. I mean we are friends but you’re definitely on Yoosung’s corner.”

 

“What makes you say that? Why would I have to be on anyone’s side?”

 

“For starters, you’ve known Yoosung a lot longer than you’ve known me and you're closer to him too, it’s only natural that you’d want to ‘help’ him out.”

 

“I’m your friend too. I’m really not on anyone’s side. Why is that so hard to believe?”

 

“Because you love to tease and mess around with the others, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out I’m your next target. You’ve messed around with Yoosung and Jumin and constantly tease Jaehee and Zen, why would I be any different?” You took a deep breath and let out a small sigh trying not to overwhelm yourself or the growing feeling of anxiousness developing in the pit of your stomach. “Look, whatever you’re planning will you just do it already? I keep feeling like any of the others are going to pop out from behind and attack me.”

 

“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way Y/N but I’m honestly not messing with you. Like I said I’m not planning on doing anything, if you really want to get rid of that feeling why don’t you finally face this problem yourself instead of blaming me for your paranoia? I gotta go now, bye-bye!” He hung up.

 

He wasn’t wrong, you’d have to face the problem, Maybe he was right… maybe he was trying to help you in a way and instead of thanking him you were just pinning your paranoia on him, still you couldn’t help but feel uneasy whenever you heard footsteps down the outside of your apartment.

 

When night arrived a giant wave of relief washed over you and for the first time all day you felt as if you could finally let out the breath you’d been holding in this far. Seven had kept his word. As you prepared yourself for bed you thought of the day ahead of you tomorrow.

 

You’d missed about an entire week of school under the pretext of illness and now you had to deal with the consequences. Fortunately for you, you had friendly classmates that didn’t mind emailing you the assignments and notes you were missing so the workload was less than it could have been. However, You still had to show up for the last class of the week and pick up all your graded assignments. The thought of leaving your apartment and possibly bumping into any of the other RFA members filled you with dread but the thought of possibly bumping to Yoosung ate at your nerves leaving you nothing but a tense mess.

 

_I’m just being paranoid. I’m just being paranoid. I’m just being paranoid. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I’m just being paranoid…_

 

Soon you found yourself lulling yourself to sleep repeating the previous over and over until you’d finally found yourself in dreamworld.

 

 

___________________________

 

 

Due to your crutches you had to wake up extra early. The whole morning went along as your usual mornings did. However, instead of taking the stairs down to the ground floor as usual, you took the elevator down because of your ankle. The bus ride to the campus was the same as usual. You headed to your first class as usual. You listened to lecture and took notes as usual, so why didn’t this day feel the same as any other previous day?

 

Was it a sixth sense or just paranoia? Why did you keep feeling like something would happen out of the blue?

 

Lunch with your friends at the campus cafeteria went as usual, except your anxiousness didn’t let you eat anything. It wasn’t until Jaime dragged you off crutches and all away from the group and scolded you about your sudden disappearance and asked you about everything that had happened.

 

“You’re just being paranoid, if he was going to say something then he would have by now… but you really should talk to Yoosung. He showed up at your place shortly after you’d left.”

 

“Really? I feel so terrible doing all of this but… I just can’t look him in the eyes right now. It’s too embarrassing and it hurts. I knew our friendship was over the moment he found out but I just can’t take the rejection right now. I don’t want to officially end our friendship.” You sighed. “This is all my fault.”

 

“How do you know everything’s lost if you haven’t spoken to him at all?”

 

“Because, he already has a girlfriend which he loves and that's more clear to me than day. A relationship’s meant for two and I’m the only one that doesn’t correspond there. He loves her and our friendship won’t be able to remain the same after the fiasco at the party.”

 

“... so, how long do you plan on avoiding him in that case?” She asked.

 

“I… honestly don’t know.” You began. “I came back because I know I can’t avoid the problem forever. I know I have to deal with it sooner or later and I thought that if I was on my own I’d be able to prepare myself for the moment I’d have to confront the problem head on but I’m still not ready and I have no idea when I will be, I just know that once I’m able to get out of these crutches I’m going to go look for him regardless of whether I’m ready or not and let whatever’s going to happen happen.” You continued. “Maybe if I feel strong on the outside again, I’ll be able to project that onto the inside.”

 

 _Lies._ You knew the outside wouldn’t change how you felt on the inside but you took comfort believing that would be the case.

 

 

______________________

 

 

 

“Okay, so you know what you got to do?” Seven asked taking the chip and tucking it into Yoosung’s ear.

 

“Uh, I… yeah, but… maybe this is too much?” Yoosung replied trying to dry the cold sweat forming in the palms of his hands along the sides of his shirt. Despite having wanted nothing but this opportunity for nearly the past week he couldn’t help the butterflies swarming in his stomach and the panic he felt.

 

“Nonsense! We didn’t marathon romance movies and soap opera’s for you to back out now! The plan’s been set in motion, you can’t quit now. It’s now or never!” Since Seven’s phone call Yoosung had been staying at Seven’s devising the plan with him. He’d go to school and then when he got back they’d do nothing but marathon romance movies and romantic soap opera’s. Seven taking notes on things he needed for the plan while Yoosung made mental notes about how the male lead acted towards the female lead and how he could try to mimic what they did without being to forced about it. But in the end he felt like everything would feel too forced and decided he’d do and say everything from the heart.

 

On more than one occasion Seven had suggested roleplaying the plan but Yoosung flat out refused and he came close to leaving when Seven had jokingly suggested that he could dress up as you to make the scenario that more believable. The last thing he wanted was to have you in front of him and only be able to see Seven.

 

“It’s not that I’m not grateful, you took the time but… I just doubt I’m taking romance advice from the right person.”  

 

“That hurts, after all the care I put into this plan!” Seven answered feigning hurt. Turning to the next task after he had finally finished placing the earpiece within Yoosung’s ear.  

 

“Seven, have you ever dated before?” Yoosung asked nervously.

 

“Me? Of course, I have!” Seven replied quickly with large grin.

 

“What, really!? What happened!?” Yoosung asked, it’s not that he didn’t believe it but he just couldn’t imagine Seven actually dating a real living breathing normal person.

 

“Her mom didn’t agree to our relationship and forbid us from seeing each other.” Seven continued, his voice quieting as he took off his glasses and drying away a single tear that ran down his cheek.

 

“Wow, really!? That’s so sad.”

 

“Well, I still refuse to give up on our love and even if we never see each other again, I’ll always have the memories of all the times my precious Elly and I spent together. That’s one thing Jumin can’t take away from us.”

 

“Seven! I’m being serious!” Yoosung snapped. “Have you ever dated before?”

 

The glare he shot Seven was meant to be serious but to Seven he only managed to make it look cute. Seven nearly doubled over laughing at the face Yoosung had made the moment he had realized that he had only been messing around. Well, He had to easen Yoosung’s nerves somehow and it seemed like he had.  

 

“What, you would have preferred Zen to help you?” Seven asked as he went on setting everything up as he had been.

 

“Well… honestly, yes.” Yoosung replied hesitantly .“At least he has some experience dating.” He mumbled.

 

“Yeah, yeah but anything he would have suggested would have been too obvious. Y/N would have seen it coming a mile away.” He answered looking through his toolbox.

 

“And this isn’t obvious?” Yoosung asked signaling to their surroundings. “We got this idea after watching god knows how many hours of romance films.” Yoosung countered.  “It’s not called a cliche for nothing.”

 

“In any given romance movie or soap opera, yes but in real life, no. In those kind of films we all know where fate’s taking our two protagonists it’s obvious to see because it’s a cliche used over and over again but in real life the likelihood of something like this happening is very low. The good thing is we’re not leaving this to fate, we’re deliberately going to cause this situation ourselves.” Seven explained. “The thing about what Zen would have suggested is that anything he could have suggested would have been to obvious for a real life scenario.”  

 

“I’m not sure-”

 

“That’s just the nerves speaking. All you have to do is wait for your cue than you do your thing and leave the rest in the hands of God 707.”

 

“What if…” Yoosung’s voice trailed off sadly. “but what if she really doesn’t love me?” His mind was beginning to be consumed by doubt once again.

 

“You say that because you haven’t seen the heart eyes she would make whenever you two were together… oh god, you guys are gonna be such a cringey couple.” Seven replied shivering off the cringe from the thought.

 

“I don’t know.” Yoosung replied just as serious as before. “If she really loved me wouldn’t she be trying to clear up this situation instead of running and hidding?”

 

“My dear Yoosung, women are complex and delicate beings. I’m sure Y/N feels just as anxious and tense about the whole situation as you do, she just has another way of showing it… but it doesn’t seem like you’re going to believe that she has feelings for you from anyone but her, so the only way you’ll know for sure is by asking her… this will help you do just that.”  Seven reassured.

 

“You’re absolutely right!” Yoosung replied with a small determined smile.

 

What did he have to fear?

 

Rejection. The fact that you didn’t feel the same as he did.

 

The fact that you wouldn’t want to be around him anymore if you didn’t have feel the same.

 

The fact that your friendship could possibly end there and at that.

 

The fact the plan could fail.

 

He felt all of the courage he had left wash down the drain.

 

“You know…” Yoosung called out to Seven, trying to swallow back his nerves. “I think this plan is totally going to work… another day!”

 

“Woah, woah, woah! Where are you going!?” Seven called out to Yoosung that had made haste trying to leave quickly. He quickly caught up to him pulling him back by the back of the collar of his shirt and spinning him around to face him. “What are you doing? You love this girl, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah, obviously! I wouldn’t be like this if I didn’t.” Yoosung replied fixing his collar.

 

“Do you want to hold her!?” Seven asked a bit louder.

 

“Yes!” Yoosung replied more determined.

 

“Do you want to please her!?” Seven asked louder.

 

“Seven!” Yoosung replied, he could feel the blood rushing to his ears and cheeks at the question.

 

“Well, do you!?” Seven asked once again.

 

“...Y- Yeah.” Yoosung replied meekly, his face beet red.

 

“Pffft… I can’t believe you didn’t get the reference.” Seven replied through snorts trying to hold back some laughter.

 

“Wait, what reference?” Yoosung asked innocently.

 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually answered. More importantly what was going through that little head of yours with the last one?” Seven asked, a few tears streamed down his eyes at the effort he was making to hold back his laughter. “Looks like innocent wittle Yoosung isn’t so innocent after all.” Seven teased pinching Yoosung’s cheek.

 

“Ugggh. I’m leaving.” Yoosung replied bitterly continuing to walk off realizing Seven had been messing with him again.

 

“No! No! No!” Seven called after him managing to stop him once again in the same manner he had before. “If you really love her, than do this. This is the only way you’ll be able to find out the truth you wanted to all along. If you really love Y/N you’ll be willing to do this despite your fears and insecurities and whatever the other outcome could be. You’ll be willing to take your chances. Do you really love her?”

 

 

____________________________

 

 

 

“I hope your meeting went well.” You replied into the phone, watching as the upcoming surroundings faded into the distance quickly once they’d been passed.

 

“Thank you. If all goes well we’ll be able to start preparations for the opening of a new cat cafe in Seoul very soon.” Jumin answered from the other side of the line. “And after that many more all around Korea.”

 

“That’s good news, but I guess Jaehee might not be too thrilled about it since it means more work for her.” A few bumps on the road made the bus gently bounce, although the bus was almost completely empty you still tried to keep your voice to a minimum.

 

“I thought that might be the case but Assitant Kang seems more motivated on this project than she has for others.”

 

“Really? Well, that’s good. How is she?” You asked. You’d only taken a few of her calls but aside from that you were still avoiding most communication with the others, you knew that one topic to another would sooner or later lead to a discussion about the events of the party and the probabilities of the outcomes and… Yoosung.

 

“She’s as well as always, although she has asked me about you on a few occasions.” Jumin answered.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, I believe she is worried for you. Hmm, now that I think about it… Zen must be as well.” Jumin continued as if it had just dwelled on him.

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“Well, he called me… something he wouldn’t do so willingly.” Jumin replied. “He called to ask whether you had called or picked up on any of my calls.”

 

“What did you say?” You asked.

 

“I told him you had. You should call them both.”

 

“I will, once I’m sitting still.” You responded absentmindedly, looking on beyond the window.  

 

“Y/N? You’ve returned home, haven’t you?” Jumin asked, you were a bit surprised but you imagined everyone would eventually begin to come to that conclusion on their own. It was only obvious, your daily responsibilities demanded your attention and you couldn’t keep neglecting them in order to hide.

 

“Why do you think that?” You cautiously asked.

 

“Your logging on at the same times you would when you’re on a school schedule.”   

 

“I.. have. Please don’t tell anyone. I’m still trying to solve this situation.”

 

“You know, you’re being selfish in trying to fix this situation all on your own. This isn’t just about you, it also involves Yoosung and you’re not allowing him any opportunity to make amends with you.” Jumin replied.

 

Jaehee and Jumin had been the only ones not to pester you about the situation which for the most part had been one of the main reasons for why you had only taken their calls and responded to their messages. You could only conclude that they hadn’t persisted on the topic as to not aggravate you but now that you seemed better, everyone knew what had to happen. You figured it wouldn’t be long before Jumin as well began to persist you to speak with Yoosung, Jaehee already had.

 

Jumin had once told you about how he had envied the friendship you and Yoosung had held because it’d reminded him about the friendship he and V had once had. You could only imagine that he now feared that the same thing that had happened to him and V would happen to you and Yoosung. That both of you would drift apart. Still, your situation with Yoosung was complicated in a different way… it wasn’t as if just talking would fix it. You felt one way and he felt another, once this would be outwardly acknowledged between the both of you the relationship would spiral out of your hands and you would no longer be able to call him your friend.

 

“It seems like you’re not interested in reducing the burden of the situation for both of you, because if you had you would have seeked amends some time ago and ended the situation before it became more of a problem instead of running away.” The way he put it his words sounded harsh but you knew he didn’t intend them to be. “The way it seems, you’re main concern is making a truce on your terms and that’s quite selfish. I’m not sure whether you’re aware of it or not…”

 

Silence, that’s all you responded with. What else could you say?

 

The truth was, you had wanted to control the situation from the very beginning on your own, but what had been so bad about that? It’d been clearly better than parading your feelings around whilst knowing Yoosung’s heart was in the hands of someone else. In reality, what more could you have done than to try to control **your** own problem on your own without ruining your friendship.

 

Keeping your feelings to yourself in order to preserve your friendship and trying to fix yourself on your own, it was the only logical thing to do.

 

So if that had been such a good idea, then why had you ended up here? Running and hiding yourself from your best-friend, When had a good idea gone bad?

 

“I’m only taking the liberty to say this because I am your friend and wish you the best… you have to come to realize that you can’t control everything on your own as you have been trying all this time. You have to allow Yoosung find his own closure as well within the situation.” Jumin continued after realizing you weren’t going to respond anytime soon.

 

“I didn’t know you were such a psychological expert.” You finally responded, failing at making a joking tone.

 

“... I read it off of one of Luciel’s copies of expert playboy a few days ago.” He responded shortly, naturally such a simple reply would have stirred a chuckle out of you but it didn’t as you continued to ask yourself whether you really were being selfish. “If you really care about him…”

 

“Thanks for the advice. I have to go, Jumin. My stop’s here.” You replied shortly, cutting him off and hanging up. Even though you were still a long ways from home.

 

The rest of the ride home you rode in silence. The thought’s now in your mind never failing to keep swarming without end, even after you got off the bus and continued on your way home they did not stop.  

 

_If you really cared about him... you’d go to him._

 

That’s what he would have said.

 

You did care about Yoosung and there was truth to Jumin’s advice but there was also doubt behind your every action and thought. You couldn’t look him in the eyes after everything that had happened, it’d be too embarrassing but now also _painful_.

 

 _Extremely painful_. The pain began to grow in your chest.

 

At one point your embarrassment towards the situation had been more than your pain by a longshot, but the pain was coming back.

 

You had been avoiding the situation because of your own selfish reasons but Jumin’s words...

 

_If you really cared about him..._

 

You did.

 

_you’d go to him._

 

You would, but you didn’t want to lose him as a friend too.

 

Thinking about yourself brought you shame towards yourself, feelings and your actions… but thinking about him brought you a pain, like the one of a fresh burnt wound.   

 

You did care about him, and you knew you had to fix the situation but your own feelings about yourself and fears of loss put a wall between you and the solution.

 

You did care about him and you wanted to run towards him and have everything go back the way it was, so did that mean you did want to fix the situation even if it meant you had to confront your shame and fears with your head lifted high?

 

The thoughts and doubts in your head put you at cognitive dissonance, your actions didn’t match your thoughts but your thoughts were jumbled because your emotions were as well.  

 

As you entered the apartment complex in which you lived, your thoughts kept circulating your head. What were your feelings? What did you really want?

 

Did you want to fix the situation?

 

Or was your fear of losing Yoosung greater?

 

You wanted to put the thoughts to rest even if it was just for a few seconds. You took a few deep breaths and trudged on ahead, because of your crutches you wouldn’t be able to take the stairs. You stood in front of the elevator and pressed on the button waiting for it.

 

_What were you going to do?_

 

You looked around as you waited for the elevator, the complex was almost deserted except for two people leaving the complex, a person going up the stairway with mail and a man on ladder stood at one of the corner walls on the far side of the complex repairing one of the lights as he muttered to himself.  

 

_What should you do?_

 

You told Jaime that you would speak to Yoosung as soon as your ankle healed, whether you wanted to or not but could you really keep Yoosung waiting that long? It was obvious he wanted to talk about the situation but what about you, were you really ready or was all this waiting just making you second guess yourself?

 

 _Oh, god. You didn’t know, you just didn’t know anymore._ All this thinking was good for was for doubt, you couldn’t do it anymore. You didn’t know what you were going to do anymore. What were were you going to do?

 

**_Ding!_ **

 

The elevator arrived before you could begin to have a total mental breakdown, closing your eyes you took a deep breath before mentally picking yourself back up. Quietly you shuffled your crutches in the direction of the elevator watching your footing down below in order to avoid tripping, once you’d secured your footing well enough to totter inside the elevator you looked up in order to press your floor number but instead were met with eyes you were already so familiar with.

 

You could feel your pupils constrict and your body as if an automatic panic response spun around and began trying to trudge back out but the elevator doors quickly closed, shutting off the exit.

 

“Y/N, we have to talk.” Yoosung spoke quietly from behind you.

 

_Please open._

 

_Please open._

 

_Please open._

 

_Please open._

 

_Please open._

 

_Please open._

 

Your panicked thoughts meekly begged as you hurriedly tapped on the elevator doors trying to have them open once more but nothing.

 

 _Please open._ You begged once more but the door didn’t comply to your internal pleas or panicked external actions. Despite it you kept tapping on the doors waiting for them to open but they did not and you refused to turn around. You could feel Yoosung step closer towards you from behind and your heart began thumping at an insane rate. All the blood in your body traveled to your cheeks, neck and chest. _Please open, for the love of god open._ You begged, but still nothing, in fact the elevator wasn’t even moving up or down and it only seemed to get hotter.

 

“Y/N, calm down.” You could feel Yoosung’s warm hand wrap gently around your wrist as a way of getting your attention but you could only feel yourself cowering in embarrassment at the sensation of his touch. “Are you still going to pretend not to see me?” He asked his voice seeming somewhat hurt as he spoke into your ear. You could just imagine the kicked puppy look on his face and felt pain just thinking about it.

 

Your only response was silence as you finally stopped your knocking on the doors.

 

“Y/N, please look at me.” Yoosung asked, gently pulling your around to him.

 

 _If you really cared about him…_ Jumin’s voice echoed.

 

And you complied to Yoosung’s movement, letting him turn you to him.

 

You were know facing him but you still couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes. The tips of your ears felt burning hot and anxiety rested on your shoulders like dead weights causing tension in your neck.

 

“I just want to hear the truth… please tell me.” Yoosung coaxed, letting go of your wrist and taking a step back as his eyes searched for yours. But you still couldn’t speak, you couldn’t find the courage much less the words with which to speak with.

 

“I… I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You swallowed back the crack in your voice as you tried maintaining a steady voice.  

 

“Y/N, don’t lie to me. Please don’t lie to me. You know how much I hate lies, so please don’t lie to me. I want to hear the truth.” He begged gently stepping forward. “Why did you run away at the party?”

 

There was an uncomfortable silence which remained for a few seconds before you turned away from him and took a deep breath, this was the only way you’d be able to do it.

 

“I didn’t want to complicate things between you and Min and that was only bound to happen if I stayed, especially after… after what you heard Zen say.” You finally replied. “Look, Yoosung… you’re my best-friend and I just want to see you happy, just knowing you’re happy is enough for me.” You sighed.

 

“Is that it? Is that all you’re going to tell me, isn’t there more you’d like to tell me?” He urged as if he wanted to hear more.

 

“... I’m sorry about what happened at the party, really I am. I never wanted to make things weird between us. Please, forget about what Zen said. Can we… can we just go back to being friends?” He was your best-friend, you didn’t want to lose him and you felt so pathetic asking him not to leave you.

 

“That’s all you’re going to say?” He asked not answering your question.

 

“What else do you want to hear?” You asked turning to face him once again, for the first time since the party you looked him in the eyes but quickly averted yours. Looking into his eyes, his gaze burnt in your eyes.

 

“The truth.” He simply replied.

 

“I already told you the truth.” You responded looking at the edge of the flooring on the elevator as a way to avoid his gaze.

 

“All of it?” He asked trying to coax you to more.

 

No, you hadn’t. While you weren’t lying to him, you still weren’t exactly telling him all the truth. You really couldn’t bring yourself to do it, all you could envision was the scene from the party… the one of him and Min, kissing. If you told him all the truth that would put an end to your friendship with him. All you had to do was just give him the answer to the questions he asked and avoid the overall big truth.

 

“... What more do you want to hear?” You asked.

 

“Y/N, stop playing around.” You could tell by the way he spoke there was desperation in his voice. He was getting tired of dancing around the obvious.

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Then why won’t you answer me?”

 

“I am.”

 

“No, you’re not. You’re avoiding it.” There was a slight hint of irritation in his voice. You’d seen Yoosung get annoyed and irritated before, mainly at Seven, you’d always found it cute and that would be the case again if it weren’t for the unsettling anxiety churning in your stomach.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Y/N, you know exactly what I’m talking about.”

 

“No. I really don’t, Yoosung.” You argued in a definite voice.

 

“Look me in the eyes.” He asked nearing you even closer, as he did you took a step back only to realize you were already against the wall. “Y/N.. look me in the eyes.” He asked once more but it seemed more like a command than a request by the way he sealed of any escape with both his arms. You turned your face away from him your eyes still averted as if nothing had happened.  

 

You hadn’t expected him to do this, you could feel yourself getting hotter as the space between the two of you got smaller. You could feel his stare on you. Yoosung had been your best-friend you knew him very well and knew that he would do this all day until he got you to look at him. One could say that Yoosung was cute and innocent even submissive but he be just as stubborn as you when it came to things he wanted. After much internal debate you finally and slowly looked up at him.

 

“How do you feel about me?” He asked quietly, his eyes looking deeply into yours as if the answer could be found within them like magic eight balls or a crystal ball with all the answers he needed.

 

You could feel your breath catch in your throat, as your heart leapt up racing your breath to your windpipes. No words came out and there was a hysteria of internal panic going on within your head. You couldn’t believe how amazingly handsome he looked with such a serious expression on his face. He was good looking, you’d never denied it from yourself but there was something more about the way his intense gaze pierced through you that made you feel hotter than you had before. Nonetheless, you **tried** to coolly push past him and trudged to the opposite corner.  

 

“W-What does that matter?” You asked, all the while commanding the flow of blood that had rushed to your face to regulate. “What I feel isn’t important.” You continued. “Just let me out of here.”

 

“Why would you say that?” He asked worriedly stepping once again towards you.

 

“Because it really doesn’t.” You replied slightly irritated. You could see your friendship crumbling right before you and your anxiety wasn’t making the situation any better.

 

“Just tell me what you feel and then I’ll tell Seven to- I mean I… ”

 

“Seven’s in on this?” You asked cutting him off. So, you had been right and this is what he had planned. Obviously how else would Yoosung have know you were home and been able to keep the elevator shut off.

 

“Y/N, just tell me.”  

 

“Yoosung, what does it matter?” You asked again. “Look, you have Min… just let me go.” You pleaded.

 

“Why can’t you just tell me!? I want to know. Why are you so persistent on continuing to hide what I want to know!?”

 

“I just don’t want to! What’s so hard to understand about that!? You’re my best-friend! I- I…” _Don’t want to lose you…_ “You… why can’t you just drop it and let me out?”

 

“You’ve kept me in suspense a whole week and done what you wanted, don’t you think it’s fair I finally get some answers?” He asked. You just looked up at him and then looked away. He was sure about his feelings, but were you about yours? If he let you go now leaving the truth unsaid nothing would be able to go back to the way it had once been, he’d lose you. “Why are you so stubborn!?” He asked exasperatedly. He didn’t like this awkward situation any better than you did but he had to pull through on it for both of you. “I can be stubborn too, and we’re not leaving this elevator until we’ve said everything that should be said.”

 

“Where is this all coming from? You’re never like this. I- I really can’t understand you.” You replied letting out a shaky breath as you massaged the temple of your head to soothe the anxiety the situation was creating in you. “Why are you so determined to hear my words when last Friday it seemed like you could have cared less about…” About you, about the moment shared between the both of you.

 

“What?” Yoosung asked, looking at you as if the question you had asked didn’t make any sense.

 

“Instead of holding me captive here, why don’t you go back to your girlfriend I’m sure she misses you…” The words left your mouth with a bitter taste as the memory of their kisses flashed through your mind like a cold reminder of the truth.   

 

“What are you talking about?” _What were you talking about? He and Min had broken up. Of, course! You didn’t know, he completely forgotten you didn’t._ He should’ve known, the only people who actually knew were Seven and Zen, Jaehee might have found out through Zen but he should’ve know that you wouldn’t. He hadn’t talked about Min on the messenger since Jaehee had asked him about her after the party and even if he had he should’ve figured that you wouldn’t be going back to read any of the previous messages.

 

Now everything made sense, your stubbornness for not wanting to talk with the truth.  

 

“I don’t know why you ran after me after the party when you’d been so entertained with Min just a few minutes before.”

 

Were you jealous? Your facial expression and voice expressed jealousy.

 

You **were** jealous. The only way you could be jealous was if you shared the same feelings he did. Your actions were telling him what you were refusing to. You did feel the same.

 

The irritation and awkwardness in the air from the situation began to fade away at the realization. He could feel something warm bud within his heart and a small smile made it’s way onto his face but you couldn't see it as you were still avoiding his gaze.

 

“Y/N… are you jealous?” He asked, quietly entertaining the idea of teasing you for a second. After all, he’d always been on the other side of the tease and this wasn’t something you hadn’t done to him many times before as friends.

 

The way his voice called your name, in a completely different tone from the one just a few seconds ago. It was more lighthearted and playful. It caused you to look up and quickly step back as he neared you. Once again you were up against the wall.

 

“Why would I have to be jealous?” You asked, trying to mask your nervousness at his proximity by pretending you weren’t aware of the little space between you. “I was just stating the obvious.” you continued, trying to push past him as you once had only to find that he didn’t budge this time.

 

How could he have been so blind as to not realize it any sooner, the way you were avoiding his eyes and touch, the redness of your cheeks. It was clearer than daylight.

 

“So, you’re telling me you don’t feel anything for me?” He had admit that it had sounded way better in his head, now that the question had left his mouth it sounded rather corny to him. Trying to hide the own redness of his cheeks he stepped closer to you. “You don’t like me?” He could see your cheeks go from a pink to an immediate red, and at his own question his cheeks reddened even more.

 

No words left your mouth. He was saying what you didn’t want to. If you’d refused to talk before now you’d gone speechless. You still didn’t meet his gaze, you couldn’t. Where was this all coming from? When had the mouse become the cat? When had the both of you changed places? As friends it’d always been you or Seven teasing him but now it seemed like he was toying with you.

 

You would have backed away or moved if you hadn’t frozen in your spot. One of his hands tilted your head towards him but you directed your eyes elsewhere.

 

“You don’t feel anything when I do this?” He asked, pulling you closer to him by the waist.

 

“... N-N-No… “ You lied, unable to ignore the shiver running down your back.

 

You were so nervous and so was he. This was out of character for him but he intended to be a man for you, either way there was something about seeing you react like this to him and knowing that he stirred these kind of emotions within you simply by his presence that urged him to continue.

 

“Then why won’t you look me in the eyes? Why are you so desperate to get away from me? Why is your heart beating so fast?” He asked, trying to still his own heartbeat.

 

You felt like dying at the very moment or hiding in a hole like a small mouse would. There was only so much your heart could take.

 

“L-Let me go.” As much as you didn’t want him to, you didn’t know how else to respond to his questions. You only felt yourself shrinking more and more within his hold.

 

“N-No.” He replied, holding you tighter. “Tell me the truth.” His voice urged gently.

 

You weakly tried to budge out but couldn’t, technically, because of your crutches but even if the crutches hadn’t been the case your main reason would have been because deep down inside you really didn’t want to leave him.

 

“If you tell me how you really feel, then I’ll let you go.”

 

“Yoosung, please… why do you want to hear it!? You have a girlfriend and I- I don’t want to end up losing you as a friend.” You cried. Your heart feeling as if it was welting. You tried to push away from him with more force than you had before but not enough to hurt him.

 

“I broke up with her.” His voice replied almost too quickly, maintaining his hold around you.

 

_What?_

 

_Had you heard him correctly._

 

You weren’t sure.

 

“What?” You asked, finally looking up at him.

 

“I broke up with her.” He repeated. It wasn’t until now that you realized his face was just as red as yours and before you could ask him why he had broken up with Min, he began to speak once again. “I broke up with her… because I love you.” You felt your heart stop altogether. His words came out, they were gentle and quiet almost like a faint whisper and although his voice shook, you’d still heard it clear enough. “I’ve loved you for a long time now… from the moment I laid eyes on you I felt something special for you, and now I know why. I love you.” He repeated gently pulling you closer.

 

You let out a small chuckle in disbelief.

 

_No way. You were dreaming._

 

“What?... T-Then why did you date her?” Your mind spoke for you because you were currently at a blank.

 

“I- I thought you… I thought you had feelings for Jumin. I didn’t want to stand in the way of your happiness.” Yoosung answered honestly.

 

“Me? For Jumin?” You almost laughed. _Really you and Jumin?_ After everything that had happened you could only ever see him as a friend, a close friend but just that. A few laughs left your mouth.

 

Then a sudden realization struck you.

 

Had everything that happened really been that simple? If that was true then…

 

What had the two of you been doing all along?

 

One suffering for the other, while the other for the other.

 

You couldn’t help to think this all would have been solved if you hadn’t fled the party last week.

 

You had been completely ridiculous. You could feel yourself shrinking once again as you buried your face into his shoulder.

 

“I told you how I feel… now, tell me how you really feel.” He whispered into your ear softly. “I won’t let you go until you tell me how you really feel.”

 

There was nothing holding you back from admitting the truth now and hiding how you felt, the feeling was so surreal. Your heart was beating in your throat, all you could feel was your face set ablaze. Taking a deep breath, you gently lifted your head from his shoulder.  When you were sure you were facing him you let out your breath and opened your eyes to look him directly in his.

 

“Do you love me?” He asked gently looking intensely into your eyes. “Does your heart beat for me, just like mine does for you?” He asked taking you hand in his and placing it to his chest as he eyed your lips almost as if he wanted to capture the answer from them with his own and leaned towards you eyes half-lidded by love.  

 

“...Yoosung?” You asked as if a conformation. “I…”

 

**_Ding!_ **

 

The sound interrupted before you could finish and the elevator doors swung open before either of you could register what had happened.

 

“Alright time’s- Oh,shit! Sorry.” Seven apologized. “I thought you’d guys be done by now.” He chuckled then looked at both of you with smug smile. “What were you two naughty kiddos up to?” He teased jokingly.

 

“Ugggh.” You heard Yoosung sigh as he dropped his head onto your shoulder obviously crestfallen, not letting you go.

 

“Uhh, people are starting to nag about the elevators and I can’t keep blowing them off.” Seven explained, sheepishly as if having caught on about his bad-timing. For the first time since the elevator doors opened you noticed Seven in full electrician uniform, that’s when it came to you that he had been the man muttering to himself on your way in.

 

As fed up as he wanted to be, he really couldn’t be mad at Seven who had helped him with everything.

 

“Alright, thanks Seven.” Yoosung replied looking up from your shoulder. “Really, thank you.” He repeated once more as sincerely as he could, putting a hand on Seven’s arm as he took your hand in his and lead you out.

 

“I thought you weren’t taking sides.” You asked him smugly as Yoosung pulled you out of the elevator and past him, crutches and all.

 

“Huh? I was always on the side of love, you just asked me whether I was on his side.” He called out jokingly as he watched Yoosung lead you away by the hand.

 

By the time you had actually registered that Yoosung was dragging you away, you were already standing outside the complex on the nearly empty street.

 

“Yoosung, what are you-”

 

“I think you’ve kept me in suspense long enough and I’ve been really good and patient…” Yoosung interrupted. It dawned on you that while you had been seconds away from telling him, you never really had told Yoosung what you really felt. “I think it’s finally time you tell me what I’ve been dying to-”

 

His lips were soft and warm…

 

You never imagined that kissing someone you loved could feel this sweet and perfect. He felt like a ray of sunlight’s warmth on sunny day. You felt an electric surge run up the course of your spine at the instant of physical contact, all the while you heart enveloped by the sensation of flickering flames. You gently caressed the hair at the back of his head as if supporting his head and slowly placed your other hand on his upper arm. You placed a gentle chaste kiss on his lips before kissing him again slowly and tenderly as you’d dreamt of many times before but in reality it was harder than you had imagined. It was harder than you expected trying hold back all your emotions in order to properly convey them.

 

This wasn’t a dream this was really happening, this wasn’t Min and this wasn’t him imagining that it was you. It really was you. This was better than anything he could ever dream of. How could he have ever believed that he could have been able to settle for Min’s kisses and love when who he really wanted was you, your kisses and love? He felt electricity with each movement between both your lips and all his mind could see was a shower of shooting stars. A mysticism like wave washed over his very being. Now that he knew what you felt like, he felt as if he’d become addicted in one swift take. He wanted more but he didn’t want to be greedy. This was more than what he felt he deserved and yet he would refuse live on without you from now on.

 

With lips dancing across one another so gingerly you felt as if the both of you weren’t on earth anymore, it didn’t feel like earth at all. The both of you were on a different realm of existence dancing amongst stars and comets whilst being consumed by one another's flames.

 

At one point during the kiss one of his hands went to meet yours and interlocked his fingers with yours, yet you subconsciously responded. After a few more kisses amongst many you found yourself in need of air and finally pulled away only to find Yoosung trailing after your lips, at the realization his cheeks immediately burned red and you could help but to let out a small laugh realizing yours were too.

 

“Does that mean what I hope it does?” Yoosung asked sheepishly.

 

“Do you even have to ask? Yoosung, I love you. I love you so much more than you probably know.” You finally told him and you could have sworn you saw stars form in his eyes at the very moment.

 

“I love you. I love you so much too!” He smiled, wrapping his arms around you tightly and peppering your face nothing but small kisses. “Oh god, you’re so beautiful… I love you so much.” He repeated over and over.

 

“Awww… this is so cute! This will be a good picture to show your future children, don’t you think?” Seven asked looking at the picture he’d snapped with his phone with an obvious pleased smile. “Well, in the meanwhile I think the other’s we’ll be glad to know that all out combined prayers finally worked and you to lovestruck kiddies are finally together.” He chuckled.

 

“Seven, don’t post that in the chatroom! Give it to me I’ll delete it.” Yoosung glared.

 

“What and delete beautiful evidence of you and Y/N’s love?” Seven asked teasingly. “ I think not, this one day will make a great family memento for the family you two make together. Imagine when your grandkids ask you about the first time you kissed grandma, you can just show them this. Besides, I already posted it in the chatroom.”

 

You let out a small laugh as Yoosung’s face was reddening.

 

“Don’t say that!” Yoosung whinned.

 

“Why not? Don’t you want to one day marry Y/N and start a family with her?” Seven asked innocently.

 

“Of course I do!” Yoosung responded. “But that’s something I should discuss with her much later on… I don’t want to scare her away.” Yoosung mumbled out sheepishly.

 

“Okay, stop teasing my future husband and tell me have the others said anything yet?” You asked wrapping an arm around Yoosung and looking over Seven’s phone to look at the messages on the chatroom.

 

“Uh...yeah. Jumin said and I quote _It’s about time, I thought one of their children would have to break it to them after being married for eight years_ , end quote. Jaehee said she wishes you both the best and that she hopes you both work on you communication skills for future purposes. Zen’s whining about how jealous he is and how lucky Yoosung is and proposed we all go get celebratory drinks together to celebrate the good news. They’re all headed to Yoosung’s place right now with the drinks.”

 

“I think I’ll take a pass on the drinks but I’ll take a soda.” You smiled.

 

“Great! Me too, I’ll go start the car and leave you two lovebirds to yourselves in the meanwhile.” Seven teased with a wink as he left the two of you behind.

 

“So you want to start a family with me and yet here you haven’t even asked me to be your girlfriend?” You teased.

 

“What!? Oh god, I can’t believe I forgot! Uhh… Y/N?” He asked nervously. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

 

“Hmm…” You pretend to think about it as his cheeks turned a deep pink, but you really could keep teasing the poor boy. “Of course, I will!” You responded almost jumping back into his arms. “What are you so nervous about? We already kissed and I told you that I love you more than you can imagine.” You chuckled wrapping both arms around his neck. “Did you already forget? Do I have to remind you?”

 

“I could never forget, that’s the moment you made me the happiest man alive.” He replied sweetly. “But I would like a reminder.” He answered wrapping his arms around your waist.

 

“Yoosung Kim. I love you more than you’ll ever know.” You responded gently placing another soft and chaste kiss on his lips. Followed by one on his nose and then another on his forehead.

 

**_Honk!_ **

 

“You guys are so cringey already! Hurry up and get in the other’s will have to wait outside if we don’t get there asap!” Seven called out from the car.

 

A small smile formed on Yoosung’s face as interlocked fingers with you and lead you to Seven’s car, helping you with one of your crutches.

 

 _“I love you even more.”_ He whispered _. “You’re the fire in my heart that keeps me going.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me. 
> 
> First of all thanks to everyone for your support despite my horribly long disappearance. I came back to a ton of sweet and supportive comments and they all mean so much to me, I really had so much fun writing this story for you guys. I've actually been thinking about writing a few more mysme fanfic's but I want to be sure that I'm committed to the idea's in order to see them through until I'm entirely finished them, I've come with a few since beginning this one and it's just a matter of me actually writing them. I don't like to post fic's unless I have a majority of the chapters already written and a solid end. I'll work on the one I have in the works right now and see if it's something I can stick with. 
> 
> Again thank you all so very much for all the support and I hope I did this last chapter justice and was able to deliver on an enjoyable story. 
> 
> Now I was gone for a long time for many reasons but after awhile I have to admit that I hit depressive slump and just didn't feel like doing anything but sleep, which is really unusual for me but I'm feeling much better now and even better after finally posting the last update to this story! ^^


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